I had intended to blog more this year. You can see how that worked out.
I’ll give some details as to why I have been silent a little
later. For now I want to talk about
today.
That post title refers to the anniversary days of my time in
the hospital. It’s been a while but
those days are still very present in my life.
Apparently I’ve been dealing with the effects that remembering those
days has on me by ignoring them this year.
An effective but not a productive strategy.
So, since I wanted to start in with an attempt at blogging
again, I am going to look at today.
Today in Beatthereaper history. Or something like that.
September 12th is the day I think I started to
remember things sequentially again. I
think I remember things from the 9th on, but even as I was in the
ICU I felt that the first three days’ memories were mixed up. Oddly I knew that even though I was
remembering things, I was not remembering what order those things happened.
Then, on the 12th, things seemed to fall into
place. My thinking was not clear, but
the memories were keeping in line. I can’t
really describe how that felt or why it’s so important to me. It was like returning.
Somehow my brain knew that I had been in the hospital for a
long time even though I had been unconscious.
Then when I finally was conscious I had those days of confusion. That left me feeling disoriented. The ICU is an unreal place to begin with and
that just magnified the problem for me.
But then I started to remember. Sure,
being in the ICU was not the best place for the remembering to start up again,
but you take what you can get. And remembering
is an important thing.
So I choose to celebrate today. I have ignored the other significant days, I intend
to keep ignoring them for now. As much
as I cherish memory and believe that it has an important role in making us who
we are, I do not want to dwell on those days right now. Yes, I’m taking the easy way out and frankly I
don’t care. I have other things I want
to spend that energy on right now so that’s what I’m going to do.
This day is important.
I’m going to focus on that. I’ll
work on that other progress later.
Now, this has been a rather haphazard post, very much in
keeping with my blogging this year. But I
felt like giving it a try again. We’ll
have to see where it goes from here.
I hope you all have important days that you want to
remember, moments in your life that mark positive times, improvements and maybe
even joy. We all need them and we all
deserve them.
Here’s hoping we can also all build some more of them.
