Not TMI, but …

maybe more, moderately depressing, info on my current state than you want to know – but nothing horrific; it’s just the way things are.

I am back to say that I am exhausted, which is why I haven’t been around here much. I just haven’t had the energy. There has been the standard array of doctors that my wife and I have been going to which has contributed to this. Add in the basic necessity of life activities and I am already beyond my limit.

So with all that I decided to go and add more to the list of things I do each week. I have been trying a structured way to get myself back on a work-like footing.* I thought that I was ready for this sort of thing. In fact, at the beginning of the year I was feeling pretty good about things. I was ready to try something new and take another major step on the road to recovery.

Well, I was ready to try but I sure wasn’t able. As I’ve said before, I can do things, but I need time to recover. I recently realized that what I am doing now is pushing myself past my ability to recover. I have been having increasing problems with nerve pain, but also with muscle pain. It has become persistent and I am also having trouble moving because of pain and stiffness.

I think that this is from the cumulative effects of what I have been doing for the past few weeks. I think that my body is breaking down. I am using my mental and physical energy and not replacing it.

So, I’m going to stop.

Actually, I’m going to cut back where I can. April is pretty much already booked and I can’t do much about that. But I am looking forward to May as a time when I can scale back and regroup. I’m keeping that thought in my head to keep myself going. Of course, like I tell my doctors, I’ll get through this because I’m stubborn. I wonder if they think that’s a good thing.



*This is deliberately vague because I want to keep the details private for the moment.