I hope everyone had a good weekend. I had family events on Saturday and Sunday, so I am recovering today. I also had two days of enforced rest on Thursday and Friday. Enforced by me, and I managed to pull it off, too.
As a warning, this will be a physical condition post for those who are curious or want to know they are not the only ones in their particular predicament.
So…
That task I set myself of preparing for possible new appliance deployment, though it was an intermittent effort, really did me in. I may have hurt myself. Last Wednesday I realized that I had hit a point that I haven’t been at it in quite a while. I ignored the warning signs, like easy things leaving me exhausted, and I kept pushing. My wife calls this being manic, I say it’s being obsessed, so we compromise and call it a compulsion. It’s a state where I don’t want to let myself stop because I worry about things backsliding.
But I went way too far and actually started going backwards physically. I am more than tired. I have a deep exhaustion that permeates my being. Just to be a geek, I will mention that the perfect description is from The Fellowship of the Ring – Bilbo Baggins, his age unnaturally extended, describes feeling thin and stretched, like butter spread over too much bread.
That’s how I feel. There’s nothing left. There are no energy reserves, no more strength, no more stamina – and yet I still feel as if I need to keep doing things. Something, anything, to prove that I can get things done and to accomplish something more than being, well, more than being what I am and admitting to my limitations. I am forced to face those limitations when this sort of thing happens.
I hope the fact that I managed to rest for a couple of days indicates that I am learning from all of this. That would mean that there’s hope for all sorts of improvement, in a careful, moderate sort of way.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Learning
I find it hard to believe, even as cynical as I am, that I live in a time when people need to be convinced of the importance and benefits of public education.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Near misses
We had an interesting experience driving to the doctor. On one of the bridges the ramp to the highway was closed for repairs so all traffic was exiting onto a local road with one lane and a traffic light. So traffic was going slow until one part on the down slope of the bridge when it stopped short. It was raining lightly so the road was slick. I managed to stop without incident and so did the car behind me. Relieved, I watched the traffic in front of me.
Then I heard a loud squealing from behind me and checked the mirror. Two cars back a truck was bouncing as the driver hit the brakes hard, then it veered to the left, I think to get more room to stop. As it veered, the truck hit the car in front of it and that car hit the car behind me. We were not hit. But the truck kept coming, sliding sideways. I started looking for room to maneuver but both lanes were blocked and there was no shoulder.
Too slowly for my taste, and I’m sure the driver’s, the truck bounced up onto the concrete divider and came to a stop. If the bridge had been more than two lanes wide I think it would have jackknifed.
I don’t know if the truck driver had trouble with the slick road or if someone cut him off – people were jockeying back and forth between the two lanes on the bridge. I only saw the aftermath. We were lucky. One car further back, or a little closer and we would have been hit. Even a minor collision would have seriously injured my wife so I was very grateful for our escape.
The traffic further back on the bridge was pretty luck as well. The trucker managed to get himself off the divider and drove off onto the closed ramp along with the two cars behind me. I hope everybody was uninjured. There didn’t seem to be much damage to the vehicles, so there’s a good chance that no one was seriously hurt.
We crawled through the traffic jam, I took a bad guess on a turn trying to avoid the mess on the smaller streets, backtracked a bit and we eventually made it to the doctor. It really is a sight to see a truck almost flip over not forty feet behind you, but I would have done fine without the experience.
Then I heard a loud squealing from behind me and checked the mirror. Two cars back a truck was bouncing as the driver hit the brakes hard, then it veered to the left, I think to get more room to stop. As it veered, the truck hit the car in front of it and that car hit the car behind me. We were not hit. But the truck kept coming, sliding sideways. I started looking for room to maneuver but both lanes were blocked and there was no shoulder.
Too slowly for my taste, and I’m sure the driver’s, the truck bounced up onto the concrete divider and came to a stop. If the bridge had been more than two lanes wide I think it would have jackknifed.
I don’t know if the truck driver had trouble with the slick road or if someone cut him off – people were jockeying back and forth between the two lanes on the bridge. I only saw the aftermath. We were lucky. One car further back, or a little closer and we would have been hit. Even a minor collision would have seriously injured my wife so I was very grateful for our escape.
The traffic further back on the bridge was pretty luck as well. The trucker managed to get himself off the divider and drove off onto the closed ramp along with the two cars behind me. I hope everybody was uninjured. There didn’t seem to be much damage to the vehicles, so there’s a good chance that no one was seriously hurt.
We crawled through the traffic jam, I took a bad guess on a turn trying to avoid the mess on the smaller streets, backtracked a bit and we eventually made it to the doctor. It really is a sight to see a truck almost flip over not forty feet behind you, but I would have done fine without the experience.
Ugh
Tired is not a strong enough word. I may have been able to put up a couple of posts – and that last one I didn’t even write today – but as I’ve said before, blogging about reality is easier than talking about myself. Here goes, anyway.
I have been trying, of late, to catch up on almost six years’ worth of chores. I made a very small dent – the kind you can pop out and don’t need filler for – in the task in the last week or so. In the process I have managed to prove two things.
First, I have proven to myself that I am delusional. I’m sure most of you already knew that. Well, really I just confirmed that I am still disabled. There’s a nasty trick your mind and body play on you when you are disabled. It happens to people without a problem as well, but I think it’s a bit sneakier when you have a disability. When you are sitting, as comfortably as you can, and feeling somewhat like your old self, you get this crazy idea that you’re really recovered and you can do anything that you want to do. That can last for a long time, it can last at least as long as until you stand up and try to do something. Then it all comes back to you as you do one or two minor chores and then collapse in a heap.
I’ve been feeling a little better with the warmer weather, though all of these storms aren’t good for me. So, since there are signs that we are going to need a new washing machine any day now, I needed to do some prep work. The area leading to and around the washer is somewhat inaccessible, at least inaccessible enough to prevent a new appliance from being installed. So I have been trying to make some room. I did manage to, but at what cost, at what cost? OK, too melodramatic. I exhausted myself.
But at least I got a chance to try. Now for a week or two of recovery.
Oh, I did say I learned two things. I am not as bad as I used to be. That should come as no surprise since I was pretty bad, but I’m not even as bad as I was last year. There is an interesting converse problem whereby the more you do, the harder it is to do some things. It’s not that they are harder in and of themselves, but when you spread your energy around to more things you have less for each task. Still, it’s good that the variety of things I can attempt has grown.
It’s the parceling out of the energy that becomes paramount. Do you use it to look fully capable in public, or do you use it to load the dishwasher and take out the trash? These are the questions of my life. Sounds like a soap opera, doesn’t it? I guess that explains the melodrama.
I have been trying, of late, to catch up on almost six years’ worth of chores. I made a very small dent – the kind you can pop out and don’t need filler for – in the task in the last week or so. In the process I have managed to prove two things.
First, I have proven to myself that I am delusional. I’m sure most of you already knew that. Well, really I just confirmed that I am still disabled. There’s a nasty trick your mind and body play on you when you are disabled. It happens to people without a problem as well, but I think it’s a bit sneakier when you have a disability. When you are sitting, as comfortably as you can, and feeling somewhat like your old self, you get this crazy idea that you’re really recovered and you can do anything that you want to do. That can last for a long time, it can last at least as long as until you stand up and try to do something. Then it all comes back to you as you do one or two minor chores and then collapse in a heap.
I’ve been feeling a little better with the warmer weather, though all of these storms aren’t good for me. So, since there are signs that we are going to need a new washing machine any day now, I needed to do some prep work. The area leading to and around the washer is somewhat inaccessible, at least inaccessible enough to prevent a new appliance from being installed. So I have been trying to make some room. I did manage to, but at what cost, at what cost? OK, too melodramatic. I exhausted myself.
But at least I got a chance to try. Now for a week or two of recovery.
Oh, I did say I learned two things. I am not as bad as I used to be. That should come as no surprise since I was pretty bad, but I’m not even as bad as I was last year. There is an interesting converse problem whereby the more you do, the harder it is to do some things. It’s not that they are harder in and of themselves, but when you spread your energy around to more things you have less for each task. Still, it’s good that the variety of things I can attempt has grown.
It’s the parceling out of the energy that becomes paramount. Do you use it to look fully capable in public, or do you use it to load the dishwasher and take out the trash? These are the questions of my life. Sounds like a soap opera, doesn’t it? I guess that explains the melodrama.
Social Security
Yes, Social Security, again, because people are still talking about cutting it.
First, repeating, Social Security does not, never has and by law never will add one dime to the deficit.
Second, Social Security can keep paying 100% of benefits at current levels until 2037. After that it can keep going at 80%, which adjusted for inflation is almost the same level as today.
Third, Social Security can keep paying at 100% of benefits at current levels until at least the end of the century if the payroll tax cap is raised. The tax was originally meant to apply to 80% of the population. Today, because of growing income inequality, it doesn’t apply to that much of the population. If the cap is raised to $180,000 from the current $106,000 it will be enough to cover benefits at 100% until the 22nd century.
What that means is that people who make $180,000 a year will pay the same percentage of their income in the tax as people who make $106,000, or those who make $50,000. In other words, right now the rich are getting a tax break that they can only keep if seniors and the disabled pay for it. Take the cap off entirely and there are no problems at all.
People who say that Social Security benefits need to be cut to reduce the deficit are lying.
First, repeating, Social Security does not, never has and by law never will add one dime to the deficit.
Second, Social Security can keep paying 100% of benefits at current levels until 2037. After that it can keep going at 80%, which adjusted for inflation is almost the same level as today.
Third, Social Security can keep paying at 100% of benefits at current levels until at least the end of the century if the payroll tax cap is raised. The tax was originally meant to apply to 80% of the population. Today, because of growing income inequality, it doesn’t apply to that much of the population. If the cap is raised to $180,000 from the current $106,000 it will be enough to cover benefits at 100% until the 22nd century.
What that means is that people who make $180,000 a year will pay the same percentage of their income in the tax as people who make $106,000, or those who make $50,000. In other words, right now the rich are getting a tax break that they can only keep if seniors and the disabled pay for it. Take the cap off entirely and there are no problems at all.
People who say that Social Security benefits need to be cut to reduce the deficit are lying.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Tax Day
No long rant about today. I don’t complain about the idea of taxes because I understand that government is necessary and it’s not free. I don’t like the way our taxes are currently structured, but I don’t expect government without taxes any more than I expect to walk out of the supermarket with a cart full of groceries without paying.
Predictions, cont.
Just a note to say that I have no follow-up on the budget speech because I want to see the details first. There were some good comments and some of the right words were said, but I will wait for action before forming any firm opinion on the thing.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Predictions
The next budget speech will mention letting the tax cuts for the wealthy expire in two years and also cutting funding and benefits for Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security.
When the budget is finished, the compromise will be to keep the tax cuts but cut funding to social services.
I hope that I am wrong.
When the budget is finished, the compromise will be to keep the tax cuts but cut funding to social services.
I hope that I am wrong.
Deficits
I'll say it again - Social Security does not, will not and by law can not increase the deficit. Not by a single cent.
Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.
Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.
Same as it ever was
The first test of what would become the Internet was a networked login from one computer in California to another Computer in California – at two different labs, not in the same building.
There was a slight communication snag just after the login began after the first two characters were typed in. So they tried again and it worked. Because of that little blip, they had to try the login twice, so the first three characters sent over the fledgling Internet were: LOL
There was a slight communication snag just after the login began after the first two characters were typed in. So they tried again and it worked. Because of that little blip, they had to try the login twice, so the first three characters sent over the fledgling Internet were: LOL
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Avoiding the issue
Is the budget too big?
There’s a lot of talk about cutting government spending but there’s no talk of why. There is no argument made other than the belief that government is too big and we should spend less. That is ideology not explanation.
How do we know if we’re spending too much money? I’m not talking about the deficit. A deficit can be eliminated easily by raising taxes. The question is about how much is being spent.
Are we spending too much?
I’m also not talking about waste. That’s a matter of where and how the money is spent. If there is waste fix the problems, but waste in one area does not mean that we are not spending too much. We might be spending too little elsewhere and we should shift the spending there.
Are we spending too much?
Maybe $2 trillion isn’t enough to run our government the way it should be run. It’s a lot of money to me, but maybe to run this country the way it should be our budget needs to be $6.5 trillion. No one is talking about how much is enough to maintain the standards that we expect of this country. How much is enough to serve the citizens the way we should be? No one is explaining anything, they just say what they want to spend, not why it is what should be spent.
So, are we spending too much, or not enough?
There’s a lot of talk about cutting government spending but there’s no talk of why. There is no argument made other than the belief that government is too big and we should spend less. That is ideology not explanation.
How do we know if we’re spending too much money? I’m not talking about the deficit. A deficit can be eliminated easily by raising taxes. The question is about how much is being spent.
Are we spending too much?
I’m also not talking about waste. That’s a matter of where and how the money is spent. If there is waste fix the problems, but waste in one area does not mean that we are not spending too much. We might be spending too little elsewhere and we should shift the spending there.
Are we spending too much?
Maybe $2 trillion isn’t enough to run our government the way it should be run. It’s a lot of money to me, but maybe to run this country the way it should be our budget needs to be $6.5 trillion. No one is talking about how much is enough to maintain the standards that we expect of this country. How much is enough to serve the citizens the way we should be? No one is explaining anything, they just say what they want to spend, not why it is what should be spent.
So, are we spending too much, or not enough?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)