Silver

Twenty five years ago today I married the love of my life.

It was a beautiful autumn day.  High white clouds accented the bright, shining, clear blue sky.  The leaves were in full color on the trees, vivid yellows and reds contrasting with the green of New Jersey pines.  The fallen leaves swirled on the ground, decorating the streets and sidewalks.  The air was cool, just enough to make it comfortable in the bright sun but not enough to need more than a gown or a tuxedo to keep warm.  It was a perfect October day.

Of course my most vivid memory is of my first sight of my wife-to-be standing in the back of the church.  I have never seen a more beautiful sight or a more beautiful woman.  She took my breath away.

It was a simple, traditional ceremony with a few family and friends that was the best wedding I have ever been to.  I might have been nervous but I don’t think I was.  I don’t honestly remember because I was too happy.  The wedding was serious, of course, but I spent the rest of the day and night smiling so much my face hurt.

I consider myself the luckiest man in the world married to the most wonderful woman in the world.  If you’ve read here from the beginning you know that my wife has literally saved my life.  Well, from the moment I first saw her she has made my life worth living.  I can be as selfish and self-centered as the next man, but all I really want is to be able to make her happy.

She wouldn’t agree, but I know I haven’t given her enough.  Certainly I’ve never given her everything I want to or everything she deserves.  I never would have made it through my life, let alone the last seven years, without her.  I hope that we have many more years together, my wife happy throughout them all.  I also hope that I can do everything in my ability to make her life better, more enjoyable and happier than it is today.

It doesn’t really matter what my wife has done for me, I owe her everything I can give simply because I love her.  My wife has given me love and happiness and support.  Because I love her I want her to have everything and I want to be better so that I can be a part of making that possible.  She’s also given me that desire, fulfilling it won’t even come close to repaying her.

Happy anniversary, sweetheart.

A quick Sandy post

Well, we seem to have survived Sandy with minimal problems, assuming that it has now moved on completely from our area.

Rain and winds from Monday morning until Tuesday – morning for the winds and, well, it’s still raining and it’s Tuesday night.

The length of the sustained winds was amazing, and I’ve never seen winds that high around here.  We officially had sustained winds of 40 – 50 mph for hours at a time.  I would estimate we had 20 -30 mph in the morning and mostly 40 mph for much of the day but there were gusts to 50 – 60 mph throughout the day and based on the sound I’d say the highest winds were around 70 mph with.

Around 10 pm Monday I realized that there was no wind or rain.  The center of the storm, the eye if it had still been a hurricane, passed overhead.  That was interesting.  Then the wind and rain started up again about an hour later.

We were very fortunate.  The lights flickered 4 or 5 times but the power stayed on.  Only small branches down for us and some very clogged gutters.  A few larger branches came down across the street but no major damage done.  The basement is wet but not flooded.  All in all we made out OK.

I know that others did not fare as well and I wish them a speedy recovery as fully as is possible.

Where I fit

I got out my bike because I wanted to get better and I thought riding might be a way to do that.  I put a lot on this and I know that I haven’t been realistic about it but sometimes that’s what I need to do.

I need the unreality because I need to dream.  This is the most that I can do and it really isn’t enough.  I have a serious problem with sustained effort – not the getting myself to do things part but being physically able to keep up the exertion.  It’s one of the reasons that I can’t work.  Unless someone knows of a job where I can work random 15 minutes a few days a week with unannounced multiple days and weeks off to recover.

Not being able to work was something I thought about the other day while riding.  I know I should be relaxing and escaping reality when I ride but I’m not there yet.  So I thought about what it meant that I can’t work.

I do as much as I can, more than I should sometimes, and I am cycling in an effort to improve my physical condition as much as possible.  I don’t know how far this will take me.  I think I’m doing my best.  I try to be responsible.  I don’t think I’m lazy.

But since I can’t work I don’t produce anything.  I do, however, pay taxes, which means I’m not in the 47%.  I’m a not working, not producing, taxpayer.

You know where that puts me?  That puts me in the same group as people who think investing money makes them a producer of something; except I can’t afford accountants to lower my taxes.

The world can not rationally be divided into only two neat, ideological groups of makers and takers.  It’s more complicated than that.

Not what he meant, but

During the VP debate JFK was cited as someone who cut taxes and had a growing economy.  My understanding is that LBJ got it passed, but that doesn’t matter.

I don’t know the numbers on the economy then, but I’ll concede the point for the sake of argument.  The tax rates under JFK/LBJ led to a growing economy.

So let’s have the JFK top marginal tax rate of 70%.

I think that would help the economy significantly.

Checks and balances anyone?

I’ve heard complaints about unelected judges having a say in things done by elected legislators.

Since when isn’t the Judiciary part of the US Government?

Some so-called Constitutionalists don’t seem to know what’s in the Constitution.

Probably not what it seems to be

It occurs to me that some of theses posts, talking about how I can’t do anything but collapse after I ride, may sound depressed or depressing and they aren’t meant to.

They’re accurate, but that’s all they’re meant to be.

I really am enjoying riding and I think it does me good to ride whatever the physical benefits have been so far.  I just need to work out how to get more done, and I will.

I measure out my life with prescription refills.

I did skip it this year

In case you were wondering at the lack of posts about my illness and hospitalization, which in the past I did on the anniversary dates of specific events, I did intentionally avoid blogging about it this year.

I was going to post on Sunday about the day I came home, because that was a great day, but I decided to keep silent – until now, which is just in case anyone was wondering.

I just wanted to try to think about other things.  To be honest I did think about it, but I didn’t focus on any of it which I would have done if I were writing a post.

I don’t know if this was a better approach or not.  It helps to let it out and writing about it actually can give me some distance from it and internalizing it is the hard part, but I needed to try this approach to see how I felt after the two months was over.  When I figure out the results I’ll let you know.

Still recovering

OK, so that post about the dentist really does prove that I am obsessed with cycling.  I was more concerned about missing a day riding than about going to the dentist, even knowing how much that would take out of me.  After all, I’m still recovering from the dentist today.  So, really, that’s two days riding I’ve missed.

I really wish it didn’t take so much pounding and prying and drilling to get things done.  My lip is still swollen.  With my big mouth you’d think they could get at my teeth more easily.

As it is I can only ride for 15 – 20 minutes several days a week and then I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day.  Occasionally I need extra days off to recover more fully.  I can’t cycle on days I go to the doctor or to the store and I really shouldn’t on trash night but last week I did.  Still, I like it and miss it when circumstances keep me from it.  I think it’s because it makes me feel normal for a little while.  I know it’s illusory, or at least temporary, but I’m going to keep doing it and we’ll see how far it takes me.