Where I fit

I got out my bike because I wanted to get better and I thought riding might be a way to do that.  I put a lot on this and I know that I haven’t been realistic about it but sometimes that’s what I need to do.

I need the unreality because I need to dream.  This is the most that I can do and it really isn’t enough.  I have a serious problem with sustained effort – not the getting myself to do things part but being physically able to keep up the exertion.  It’s one of the reasons that I can’t work.  Unless someone knows of a job where I can work random 15 minutes a few days a week with unannounced multiple days and weeks off to recover.

Not being able to work was something I thought about the other day while riding.  I know I should be relaxing and escaping reality when I ride but I’m not there yet.  So I thought about what it meant that I can’t work.

I do as much as I can, more than I should sometimes, and I am cycling in an effort to improve my physical condition as much as possible.  I don’t know how far this will take me.  I think I’m doing my best.  I try to be responsible.  I don’t think I’m lazy.

But since I can’t work I don’t produce anything.  I do, however, pay taxes, which means I’m not in the 47%.  I’m a not working, not producing, taxpayer.

You know where that puts me?  That puts me in the same group as people who think investing money makes them a producer of something; except I can’t afford accountants to lower my taxes.

The world can not rationally be divided into only two neat, ideological groups of makers and takers.  It’s more complicated than that.