Ego

I try to act normal – well, as normal as possible and in a physical way.  When I’m out in public I try to hide any problems that I have.

I did that in a really stupid way today.

Someone asked me for help moving a couple of boxes and of course I said I would help.  As soon as I started I knew that it was a mistake.  The boxes were too heavy.  I could move them but they were well beyond my practical limit.  I will sometimes do something and joke that my doctors would be mad at me.  This was beyond even that level of exertion.

But did I stop?  No.  I was too embarrassed to say that I couldn’t do it.

Did I hurt myself?  I sure did.

So now I’m in pain and I’m also mad at myself for being so stupid.  I didn’t want anyone to know that I couldn’t do something so I did something I shouldn’t have done.

Hopefully I didn’t hurt myself too badly and I’ll just be in pain for a week or so.  I also hope that I learned something from this.  Oddly enough this situation hasn’t come up before.  Being a hermit means I don’t encounter things like this very often, or at all.  Today was an exception and I failed the test.

Ego has no place in managing my disability and I have to make sure I don’t let it control my actions in the future.

Use me as an example of something you shouldn’t do.  Pay attention to your body and your common sense.  I’m sure I have some of that around here somewhere, I just didn’t have it with me today.