But at least I’m enjoying the ride

Back to optimism, of sorts.

I am concerned that I am expecting too much from riding my bike.  I seem to be expecting cycling to do everything for me, as if it will increase my energy, reduce my fatigue, make me stronger, give me bright eyes and a shiny coat.

I’m also concerned that I will have a serious problem if this doesn’t work – or if it doesn’t make everything better.  Well, maybe not a serious problem, but I really am hoping that this will do a lot for me and that may not be realistic.  This is a promising start and that on its own is a good thing.  Even if I get a minimum benefit from this that will still be a benefit.

I’m enjoying this and I am going to keep doing it.  I just need to be realistic.

I may love doing this just because it is something that I am able to do and it is important to me because of that.  My unrealistic expectations don’t make it a bad thing.  I’m just fixated on it – current rants on here notwithstanding – and I need to be sure that it doesn’t distract me or delude me from seeing what else needs to be done or the problems that still exist.  As the ‘Boxed in’ entry said, this disability is not something that I can get away from.  No matter how hard I pedal.

Then again I’m not really trying to do that.  I may be trying to distract myself for a time and do something that I enjoy and get away from things for a while.  I don’t see anything wrong with that and looking forward to riding is helping me in many ways.  What I can’t do is let myself see this as the perfect and immediate solution.

Being able to ride was a bigger deal than maybe even my babbling about it can relate.  I got the idea into my head that I wanted to do this – that I needed to do this – that this was a major and vital step in improving my health.  I made it a big deal and I was expecting to be let down when I couldn’t ride.  But I could.  That success looks like a major leap but it isn’t yet.  It is a little step.  It is a step in the right direction but it wasn’t a jump right to the finish line.

I’m hoping that writing this is enough evidence that I am aware of the limitations both of myself and this latest idea I have of what I need to do.  Cycling is not a solution.  Cycling is a step in the right direction.  It offers a lot that can help me. 

I am still in the very early stages of this.  I might not get very far before the weather gets bad enough to force me to stop.  If I put too much into this it could all fall apart – I could fall apart – when I have to stop either for the winter or for some other reason.

So I need to keep my head clear about this and keep looking ahead to other things.  And I will keep cycling, not put too much emphasis on it, and I will keep thinking about its place in my progress.

That and I will buy myself a new saddle.  My posterior just can’t handle the hybrid seat design anymore.  All my padding seems to be higher and in the front.  Go figure.

Lessons and examples from riding

The mount and dismount issues when I am riding my bike are very definite and highlight an ongoing problem that I have.  I don’t know if I can get better at this, it might be something I can’t improve at.  But, it might fall into a class of issue I have with movement and if that is the case I think that it can be improved.

The problem with being completely deconditioned the way I was, where every muscle has atrophied, is that every muscle then needs to be rebuilt and strengthened – or reconditioned.  That would be fine if you were five years old.  Right after this all happened to me someone I knew said that I was just like his 5 year old son.  And it was true.  What kids do, among other things, is strengthen and condition their bodies.  That’s what play is.  Kids move everything.

So do some athletes, which means that there are ways to train your body.  If I were 20 I would probably be better off, but I’m already at the age where natural deterioration takes place.  Whatever.  I’m still going to try.

The real problem is that I have still not moved my body in every way that it can be moved.  I still find examples of this when I try to do something that I haven’t done since I was in the hospital.  It happened with walking, then walking backwards, reaching and bending and various other things that you take for granted.  You don’t realize just how much and in how many ways you have trained your body over the course of your life.  When you don’t move a muscle for 2 months you need to build all of that back again.  But it is an incremental process and some things just don’t have priority.  Until one day you try to do something and your body just says no.

Case in point: getting on and off of a bicycle.  I haven’t had occasion to move my leg in that way lately so I can’t.  But if it is just a matter of conditioning and not some deeper problem I should be able to improve.  I knew that I would need to focus on stretching if I got into this.  The specific exercise will tighten my muscles and I need to counter that.  I sort of knew that I would need to work on getting on the bike as well but I was thinking about coordination.  Now I know that I need to stretch as well so that I can put my body in that position.

So, I will work on that.

One good thing is that I seem to be balancing OK.  I wouldn’t trust my body to handle any sudden movements or adjustments but I do fine just riding around the neighborhood.  That’s enough for now.  I wasn’t sure that much was even possible so I’m happy.

As for the rest, I think it will come in time.  Until then, and even if it doesn’t happen, I’m going to keep on riding.

Day 2

I rode a little today, trying to get into a routine and build up my riding ability as well as my endurance.

And by rode a little I do mean a little.  I didn’t check the distance but I just rode around the neighborhood for a while.

I didn’t go very far, but it was fun.

And I have been very lucky with the weather.  Yesterday and today were beautiful and I really enjoyed the rides.

Bonus points if you can find the extremely oblique and not really there but it made me think of it song connection in there.

I want to ride my bike

There, I said it.

Wednesday I spend a few hours at the dentist.  Thursday I wake up feeling like I was hit in the face.  So what do I do?  I drag my bike to the shop to get it checked out.

Today my teeth hurt, my gums are sore and my lip is still swollen and I am thinking about riding my bike.  I think a psychologist could have some fun with my behavior.  I certainly seem to be fixated on this idea of riding as a way to improve my condition.  Or maybe I’m just obsessed.

Riding is supposed to be good for you but I don’t know how healthy this behavior is.

Today I got the bike back from the shop and decided to try to ride it right away just to see if I could.

I was a little wobbly leaning on the car to test the seat height – it was a little high – but once I started, and got off of the grass, it wasn’t too bad.  I set off down the driveway and out into the street and I was riding.  Yay!  The steering on this bike is very sensitive so I have to be careful there, but moving does help with the balance so that worked out well.

However, I actually hurt myself trying to get on the bike.  It seemed so natural just standing on the pedal, pushing off and swinging my leg over the saddle.  Unfortunately right now not being flexible enough to do that without hurting myself is also natural.  I was afraid of that – I didn’t feel that confident no matter how natural things might have been.  I managed not to fall over but it was a close call.  What I need to do is get my leg over the cross bar by leaning the bike over while standing, get on the pedals and then sit down once I am moving.  Getting off is about the same though it comes across as more of a controlled fall as I get off the saddle, step off the pedals and to the left to get my feet on the ground.

I do not actually fit this bike as my legs are a little short so I can’t straddle it with the bike upright.  Hence the lean to the left to get both feet on the ground.  It ain’t pretty but it works.

I am woefully out of shape and can not go very far.  We’re talking fractions of a mile here.  My muscles were letting me know from the start that they haven’t been used in this way in a long time.  I expect to be very sore on Monday.  Still, I am considering going out again tomorrow.  I won’t go very far and I won’t be out for very long, but I’ll do what I can.

Right now I am just inordinately happy that I can actually ride.

And I might be just a little bit obsessed.

There’s a song title that fits this post

I used to ride a lot, when I was much, much younger.  I’ve ridden as an adult, not nearly as often as when I was young, but I got myself a nice bicycle 15 or so years ago and I rode occasionally.

Now I haven’t even been able to ride at all in quite a long time, maybe 10 years.  First I had a knee problem and then there was that whole 2 months in the hospital thing.

But lately I’ve been thinking a lot about riding.  I have no idea why.  I always loved it and it may just be that it’s one of those things that I feel has been taken away from me and I want to get it back.  Personally I think I’m being irrational.

Be that as it may I dragged my bike to the shop today to see what kind of shape it was in.  Turns out it’s in much better shape than I am.  Ten years sitting in the basement, even with the sump-pump failure episode, have done no damage.  The bike is in great shape and only needs a tune-up.

If only the same could be said about me.  I am in decrepit shape and there isn’t anything that can be done about most of my issues.  Still, I think I am going to try this.  I don’t even know if I can still ride.  Of course everyone says that you never forget and it will all come back to me and it will be easy because I can take it easy to start.  That is all true, but there’s more to this than just being rusty.  My body doesn’t have the ability it once did.  I have balance issues and even though the bicycle supplies some of that for you with the gyroscopic effect of the turning wheels, I have my doubts.

If my balance issues are all due to nerve damage in my legs, ankles and feet then I should be OK.  If the balance issues are brain or head related then the bike won’t help that much.  Beyond that I don’t even know if I’m coordinated enough to get on or off of a bicycle.  Well, I can always get off of the thing.  Falling can accomplish that.

I am really excited about picking up the bike on Saturday.  I am going to give this a good try.  To hell with any problems I have.  I’m just going to do it.  I am not, however, going to ask my doctors first since they might say that I shouldn’t.  As I have said before, I have to try.

Well, that was long and rambling and more or less pointless, but sometimes that’s the reason for this blog.  I share so other people can see what someone else is doing.

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Thanks for letting me work all of this out in public.