My Studebaker got a flat

Actually it’s more like it needs a tune-up, and rings, and an air filter, and a radiator, and maybe a new transmission and a new suspension.

So I’m doing this realigning thing and trying to be active and not avoid things and still not realizing that I am just a bit delusional about this whole thing.

I did a little bit more, trying to get into new situations and do more things and along the way I didn’t pay enough attention to what I was doing with the rest of my time and energy.

As my wife pointed out I don’t sleep. I wake up anywhere from 6 to 12 times a night. I don’t get enough hours or enough rest. And my recovery time from exertion is not any better than it was.

Which is why it shouldn’t surprise me that when I did a few things more than maybe I should have I got sick. Yep, I’m sick again. Sick in June and now sick in August.

So time for more considering things and working out some more details on how to take things in moderation. And as my wife says give myself time to recover. I imagine that this is just a way to force me to lay low for a while. One cancelled doctor appointment – that I could have really used – so far. Mostly kept quiet today and I’ll try for the same tomorrow.

When my head clears, rather, when my mind clears, after this cold, I will examine how best to proceed. Until then, rest. And one of these days I’ll post some actual details about what I am doing.

Well, at least I got to experience an earthquake, and maybe now (another) hurricane.

There goes another green one right now

That buying a Studebaker Commander concept (see previous post) is a long term project. There is no instant gratification here, in fact, that’s pretty much the opposite of what this is all about.

It’s not that I’m denying what is wrong with me. I may do that to myself at times, or try to, but this isn’t one of them. And I don’t just mean working around my limitations, that’s a part of daily life. This is about trying things that might seem a bit crazy to try, things I might reasonably think I can’t do anymore and that may actually be beyond my abilities these days.

Big words, I know, and it remains to be seen how I manage.

I want to make sure that I don’t let whatever deficits I have get in the way where they shouldn’t. After all, I may not be able to do everything, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do anything. There must be things that I can do, even things that I can be good at. I need to find what they are.

I need to look for the things that I can do in spite of what is wrong with me, however small. Maybe I won’t be as accomplished as I may have once been able to be, but I can still be as accomplished as possible. I am always trying to get back to where I was or get to the point where I can lead a normal life, but I have pushed aside things that are beyond that.

I have neglected to dream about things that are more than necessary.

I need to dream.

A bear in his natural habitat

You know how when you buy a car, or anything really, you start to see all of the things just like it all around you? Once you buy a green Studebaker Commander everyone seems to be driving one.

Well, I decided not to let any limitations I have stop me from trying to do new things. So naturally I’ve been hearing a lot of things that relate to that. Suddenly I am hearing or reading things about people (superficially) like me or things about various aspects of recovery or doing better with what you have.

While some of it is little more than marketing, some of it actually resonates with me. I am trying to take it all in as it comes.