Can we have rabbits?

The best laid plans post for today.

I was going to write a very insightful post into my own and the human condition, but …

One of our male cats was making some very odd sounds today, pained sounds, as he was trying to use the litter box. This cat has a family history of urinary blockage, a problem for some cats that can be very dangerous. So, as soon as we realized what was going on, and he kept trying to go with no result, my wife called the vet and I put on my shoes and we stuffed the poor creature into a carrier and I ran him off to the vet.

He was not amused.

He was, however, OK. If he had a blockage, it was gone before he got to the vet, and since the carrier was dry he must have peed at home. So, he had some signs of irritation (description omitted to protect the poor cat’s privacy), but was otherwise healthy. I brought him home with some meds to settle any inflammation and treat an infection which he may have (they couldn’t be sure but decided to treat him anyway and knowing his lineage I agreed) – namely steroids and antibiotics.

So, stress, and time spent in a car with a cat who was very vocal about his displeasure got me today. I am confronting my limitations. The effort of withstanding the experience in the car alone was enough to wear me down.

I now admit that I need a period of recovery from my many doctor visits. Since I still have four more to come, that means taking it easy in between. So I change my plans for the month, ah well.

Thus endeth the prosaic post. Now where are those rabbits?

Jabberwocky – some nonsense posting

I had to run to the doctor today to pick up some scrips and samples. Naturally – well, unexpectedly, I came home and slept for a few hours.

Today’s words of wisdom, otherwise known as nonsense and bother, will have to wait until tomorrow.

For tonight, let us note the anniversary of the end of the Scopes trial in 1925, and marvel at how far we have come in teaching science in this country since then.

And in 1899 Ernest Hemingway was born. Six toed cats the world over celebrate this day with parties.

One Small Step

Thirty nine years ago today, Neil Armstrong stepped onto the Moon. Buzz Aldrin followed and Michael Collins orbited above in the Command Module. I remember being allowed to stay up, or I should say my parents let me get out of bed, to watch the grainy black and white picture on our old B&W TV. It was incredible.

We have gone virtually nowhere since then, even though we had the ability to reach out into space. Some day I’m sure we will. It’s all a matter of profit. Exploration, or rather its funding, always is.

But whatever the motivation, it was done, and for the people in the trenches not a small part of the reason was personal pride and a sense of history. I’ve seen some interviews with those involved and they weren’t working just for the money, they knew that lives were on the line and history was being made.

So I wanted to mark the day.

The Red Planet

Just coming to here briefly to post a bit. After yesterday’s collapse I still had to go to a doctor today, then came home and slept for a while.

I just wanted to mention some more interesting Mars news. Data gathered by another NASA craft, the Reconnaissance Orbiter, show evidence of lots of water in the past. Pretty cool. Of course it doesn’t prove anything, but I think it’s interesting, and the pictures are amazing. Go to www.nasa.gov to see some of the shots.

Also, one of the ovens on the Phoenix Lander has a short-circuit and this may interfere with some of the experiments designed to find traces of life. Just a coincidence? Hmmm.

Crash and Burn

Did I say something about handling things well? I was wrong.

I’ve been pushing through the long series of doctors and such, and a week or so ago I thought that I was slowing down and needed to take it easy. As it turns out, I was already too far gone. I had to run to the store today; I made it home but barely.

Seriously, I came home and completely lost it: no energy, couldn’t move, couldn’t even sit up straight, and mentally fried beyond belief.

It’s funny, earlier today I thought that maybe I was pushing a little too hard and might be feeling too optimistic. Yeah, I was too optimistic. Tonight was a crash like I haven’t had in quite a while.

Anyway, just a little update here. I am better than I was last year, but boy do I have a long way to go.

July 16th, 2005, revisited

Three years ago today I got sick.

Sometime in the middle of July 2005, around this date, I inhaled a large quantity of legionella bacteria and they started invading the cells of my lungs.

I didn’t feel sick yet. I had no idea what was going on inside of my body. I wouldn’t feel sick for more than a week, and it would be considerably longer before I knew what was going on – or had been going on.

But for now, back then, I was unaware of what was to come.

Do as I say ...

I was reading a book yesterday, nothing deep or anything, just a novel that was a good read. I think I might have mentioned before that, while I used to read a lot, lately this hasn’t been the case. So, yay! But when I put the book down to go to bed, I got to thinking. I wanted to finish the book the next day, since I was relatively close to the end, but I don’t read that fast these days. And the next day would be today, Monday. Monday is not a day you take off to just read a book.

Oh sure, when I was a kid and out of school for the summer, heck yeah I read every day and at all hours of the night. But I am not a kid anymore. I am not working, but that is a problem, not a vacation. I have to spend every day doing something to get myself back into shape to get back to work. Even if I am just thinking about what to do. Except that I don’t because I can’t. In fact, I shouldn’t.

I have been told to not over-think things, what someone called analysis paralysis. I have been told not to worry to the point of distraction and inaction. I have been told that I need to make time for myself. Did I listen? Of course not. Every time I do something that I consider to be unproductive towards my recovery I feel guilty. I’ve felt guilty for three years now.

On weekdays, when I’m not just taking care of daily life, I try to do things to train myself mentally and physically for work. On weekends I try to think of more ways to train myself and feel guilty that I didn’t suddenly recover fully during the previous week. That hit me yesterday. I could not give myself enough leeway to actually take some time just to read. The funny thing is that reading helps me, but I was enjoying this so I had to feel guilty about it. Damn I’m turning into a Puritan.

I am in between doctor appointments, none till Thursday; I have written letters to people about my long term disability and I spent literally all of my non-doctor energy last week researching ERISA law and disability attorneys (oh joy); I can do nothing with Social Security but wait for them to schedule a hearing; I have finished my knee shots and now need to wait for that to work its way into the nooks and crannies as it were; I have researched to the point of mental oblivion my options for training myself for work – but I have found some new options; I am twisting my brain into extra-contorted convolutions trying to create work-arounds for my deficits and also to better compartmentalize the overwhelmingly overlapping issues that are spinning around in there:

And I can’t give myself a freaking half-day off to read.

Am I f@#$ing nuts? Don’t answer that question.

This is definitely something that I have to work on. One more for the list. It’s a matter of setting my schedule by my own needs and not letting others – insurance companies, lawyers – set things for me. You know, that sounds like good advice, and is the real point of this post. Consider the rest background.

And yes, I did finish the book. I had to force myself not to start doing other things, but I did finish the book and I enjoyed it. It was a good read.