Oblivious

I just got a CD in a cardboard case. No, it wasn’t available as a download and I like a more persistent storage medium anyway. For some reason I wondered about the cost savings that motivated the packaging choice. Then I realized that I have allowed myself to become conditioned to the plastic CD cases with their insanity inducing plastic wrappers and adhesive seals. The cardboard ones come with a simple shrink-wrap cover, so what’s not to like about that?

You know what else? Albums came in cardboard, including the original version of this one, and I never thought that was weird.

Gah

Man, I forgot how much these stress tests take out of me.

Venting

About all I can think of to sum up how I feel at the moment is $@&!. No, it’s not about the state of the economy or the appalling condition of politics in the country. This time it’s personal.

Today I had myself measured, sonically probed, tested, stressed and probed some more. No irradiation this time. Technically the results were good and I should be happy. The problem is I still have an electrical problem with my heart.

Not the cardiologist or any other doctor I have mentioned this to thinks it’s a big deal. Unfortunately I do.

I know that I should be happy with the overall state of my health. I handled the test pretty well and the results, especially considering my condition, were encouraging.

But I am very depressed at the moment. That’s why I’m here venting. I am pissed. I don’t know why this happened – neither does anyone else. Whether this is the result of my illness or some medication or would have happened anyway doesn’t really matter. However it happened there is nothing that I can do about it.

So I’m depressed.

I am also alive and relatively healthy. I could be much worse off. I just can’t get past this yet. I was hoping that a change in medication would make this condition go away but it didn’t. Nothing is worse, but nothing is better. In fact, as I said, I handled the test pretty well and the cardiologist said the results were good. I was actually very nervous before this test for no really good reason and then it went well. My heart performed well under the stress and the doctor didn’t recommend any treatment, just come back in the fall. Of course I used to see him once a year and now it’s twice.

What’s also not helping is that I am exhausted – I mean I’m having trouble just standing up and walking across the room. I am also sore, and tomorrow I will be in even more pain. My legs are not happy with me, my lungs are tired, my heart is glad that it’s over and in general my body is wondering what the heck just happened. And my brain is frazzled.

Oh, and my chest already itches.

Things could be worse and eventually I will see that is true. I will see just what my life is like and realize that I could be in much worse shape. I am alive. However healthy I am, I am still alive. I should be happy with how the test turned out, and I will be. It’s just going to take some time.

Have pity for my poor wife who has to deal with me when I’m like this.

Hope I make it through the week

I’m finally catching up with my doctor appointments, but the effort is catching up with me. I had to cancel so many appointments when I was sick, and then sick again, that it’s taken till now to make headway. I have a certain amount of trouble getting back on track, plus it takes time to get in to see some of these doctors.

Next up is a stress test and then, if the cardiologist OKs it, an exercise pulmonary function test.

Then I have to see four or five new doctors for various things, maybe some more physical therapy, and definitely some tests. The fun never ends.

I saw my primary doctor today and we figured out that I got both of the viruses that were going around in June. Lucky me.

It's that time again

Today is Call In Sick and Never Go Back to Work Day.

I'm not sure how you're supposed to celebrate.

Get rid of the debt ceiling

I'm convinced that there really are some people who want the economy to explode just so that afterwards they can pick up only the few pieces that they like.

How many halves are there?

I saw a headline about some aspect of how the other half lives.

You know, it’s really how the top 2% live. Wealth isn’t split 50-50 in this country. I think the belief that it was is what caused our current problem.

It’s hard to disbelieve the aphorisms you were raised with, but I think people are finally starting to see the truth.





Yes, I know that it’s also true that people want to think that they are better off than they really are and also want to have hope that they will be very successful some day. Trust me, I know the feeling, I live with it every day.

But the misperception of wealth is enforced by societal sophistries that cause much more harm than simple faith does. We should hold to faith but speak the truth even though it hurts. Without knowing where we are we can’t know what to aspire to.