New Year's Eve

Oddly, since we really got started as a couple at a New Year’s Eve party, my wife and I do not normally go out for New Year’s Eve.

There was one year we were on vacation on January 1st and we spent the day at EPCOT. I know that sounds crazy and it was crowded to the point where they stopped letting more people into the park. Each represented country handed out noisemakers and when the hour reached midnight in that nation there were kids running around, well, making noise.

At midnight local time everyone was crowded around the lake in the middle to see the fireworks. My wife and I found a spot with a good view that was a little apart from the throng just by virtue of landscaping. It was a good crowd, a good show and everyone was excited and the atmosphere was festive. Things were noisy and colorful and crowded and crazy. It was a rare and raucous occasion and it was fun.

All around it was a fun New Year’s Eve with good fireworks, and it would have been worth dealing with the mass of humanity if for no other reason than that we got to see several hundred people dancing the Macarena.

I told you it was crazy, and that should give you some idea of when this happened.

I don’t oppose the idea of going out for New Year’s Eve, it’s just never been a tradition for us. I don’t really care where I am or how loud or quiet the celebration is as long as I am with my wife. That’s where I’ll be spending this New Year’s Eve.

However you plan on celebrating I hope you have very good New Year’s Eve and a very happy New Year.

The end of the year already

This year really was a strange one. Not in any sense that previous years have been, in any but a minor way, but strange nevertheless.

The main thing is that it went too fast. I know that that sort of perception is always an issue. You get older or more stressed or busy and the time just seems to fly. I got sick twice and that ran into about 6 – 8 weeks overall if you include recovery time, but that wasn’t the problem. Too many other people have said the same thing: where did this year go?

Think about it. Didn’t you say, more than once, how did it get to be this month? Didn’t days and weeks pass and you couldn’t really remember what had happened or how it had become a new season? I’m not saying there were mass alien abductions or experiments on the human population, but this year was just not normal.

Now, I could come up with some sort of explanation that ties into my current physical condition, but again, too many other people have had the same experience and besides, it wouldn’t be nearly as satisfying as blaming it all on some mysterious force. So I’m going with the mystery on this one.

So one more time before it’s over, I will ask the question: where did this year go?


Now it’s time to plan for next year, which may involve lists.

Early AM Radio – Ante Meridian that is

You can hear some really interesting music on the radio in the wee hours of the morning. Not bad music, just the they’re-playing-that-song-I-haven’t-heard-in-decades-and-not-much-when-it-was-new kind of music.

Sometimes, when I am awake in the middle of the night, I will put on the radio in an attempt to distract my brain so that it will do whatever it needs to do so that I can fall asleep. It doesn’t really work that well. Sometimes it does. Not always.

What this means though is that I occasionally hear what is on the radio at 4 or 5 AM. There are a variety of music stations, and sports talk radio, and the BBC, and – other – things. One local FM station plays modern rock and folk and indie and progressive rock – not all at the same time and not at 4 in the morning, but it’s what would be a college radio station if it hadn’t been taken over by professionals decades ago. Technically it is a university station, but there’s that issue of non-student DJs, and producers, and everything else.

But that’s not my point. My point is what the DJ likes to play at 5 AM. Hearing Devo isn’t that strange. I don’t think. But besides The Girl U Want, I have also heard The Village Green Preservation Society, twice, and Inagodadavida – with the whole drum solo.

This is not normal. It’s not normal, is it? And no, I was not dreaming.

Happy Merry

I have been absent during the holidays. My apologies.

Please allow me to take this time to hope that everyone had a Merry Christmas and is having a Happy Chanukah.

Things went well around here but we are exhausted. As it is the end of the year and the time for examining things and looking forward to the New Year there is likely to be at least one more post in the near future.

I would also like to wish everyone a speedy recovery from the exertions of the holidays and a smooth return to whatever your daily routine involves.

November

November is over and my hands hurt, my brain is numb and I am totally exhausted.

Part of the exhaustion comes from family medical issues, in-laws not me or my wife, which resulted in lost sleep and stress. Things are going well now but the recovery continues.

Then the washer decided to die after 24 years which meant making room for the repairman – the basement has accumulated a lot of stuff since I got sick. Then making more room for the new washer and dryer – the dryer was also 24 years old and showing signs that it was going as well and the washer was beyond worth repairing. Modern appliances do not easily fit into an old house. There was plenty of room to install them, it was just getting them into the house that was a problem. If they make those things an inch wider they won’t fit through the doors.

And of course there was the Thanksgiving holiday. It’s not that I don’t like Thanksgiving, it’s just that it takes a lot of energy and hence recovery time.

Plus the tree in front of the house came down at 2 AM Thanksgiving morning and they came to do the clean-up with chainsaws at 7:20 AM yesterday.

Then we come to NaNoWriMo. A lot of words made there way from my confused brain onto the computer screen. They are only somewhat coherent, meandering, contradictory and readable only in the sense that they are mostly spelled correctly. The energy required to do this isn’t really worth the final result this year but I just can’t seem to resist trying and it did make for an interesting exercise. The mess of letters that came out of this year’s effort is definitely going in the drawer for a while – or it would if it was on paper, as it is it will go on a flash drive and sit there for now.

November was a busy month. Now I will try to keep some level of productivity going on the writing front as I deal with December. I really like December, it tends to be a busy and difficult month as well, but I really like it.

Oh, and I’m waiting for them to show up at 6 o’clock some morning to grind down the tree stump that is still there.

It’s time to play the music, it’s time to light the lights …

Someone on TV said that they were surprised that it was mostly adults who were excited by the idea of a new Muppet movie.

I would be surprised if it wasn’t mostly adults. Do kids even know the Muppets these days?

I remember being excited about the first one. I think it's pretty cool that there's a new Muppet movie.

NaNoWriMo Took Over My Brain

I look forward to NaNoWriMo every year and I try to participate even when I know I really don’t stand a chance of finishing it. I love it. It’s a lot of fun. I’m essentially a hermit but I love being a part of this. But there are consequences.

You may know how it is, either with this or some other passion, however small.

By October at the latest you’re trying to figure out just what you’ll do for NaNo. If you don’t have any ideas you start scrambling to get one nailed down and if you have more than one idea you start scrambling to decide which one to use. Then there’s the countdown, and once November starts, word count.

You write like crazy – even if you only get a chance to write a few minutes every other day that’s still writing like crazy when you can. You work on characters and plot points and conflict and narration and dialog and how do I get this thing written In ONE MONTH.

At first it just enters your brain in the down moments, when work or life lets you think about. Oh sure, it’s there in the background, nudging at your forebrain every chance it gets. But you control it, you moderate it, you fight it and wrestle and struggle and only give in when the moment is right. In those moments you brainstorm and type, your fingers flying like the wind. Or if you’re like me your fingers fly like a gentle breeze that lightly stirs the autumn leaves. Whatever.

Eventually, though, those thoughts become more persistent and more frequent and just plain loud. Sure, you keep doing your work and going to the grocery store and doctor appointments and family gatherings. Except those other things, the non-NaNo things, start to get in the way.

Work? Auugh! Eat? OK, but fast! Why am I so tired? I can’t sleep now, I need to get more words out!

I can’t stop thinking about my plot. A new character just showed up and an old one just said something I didn’t know and I have to figure out how to get to the next chapter. What’s in the next chapter, anyway?

NaNoWriMo is not a month and it’s not an event and it’s more than a brilliant idea and a great concept that has done great things for humanity. NaNoWriMo is a way of life. For at least one month it takes over your brain.

I noticed it two weeks ago, just a few days in. I noticed it, but I don’t think I can do anything about it. I just have to learn how to live with it. And then I have to learn how to channel it into the rest of the year so that I keep writing, all year long, with a similar intensity (for relative values of intensity). There needs to be a balance between life and intense writing, but I need to let myself write more. That’s my goal for after November.

But for now, NaNoWriMo has taken over my brain.

The October reading project

I may not have read all of the possible Halloween books that were on the pile for October, but I started the month with Dracula and finished with Something Wicked This Way Comes as planned.

Four books, which sounds really lame and is not up to what my standards were many years ago. But it isn’t bad for me these days. I’m really happy that I got in the two re-reads that I wanted to do and that I bracketed the month with them. It’s also nice that the re-reads were both satisfying and not disappointing at all.

Now on to November. I have nothing planned in the reading department – except for all of the books that I didn’t read while focusing on October.

And then, of course, there is NaNoWriMo.

Let the insanity begin. It’s a good kind of crazy though.

Magic

I finished Ray Bradbury’s Something Wicked This Way Comes. Another first re-reading for me.

I was worried about the book holding up to my memory of it but I shouldn’t have. It doesn’t really matter that it’s been more than 40 years since I read it or that the book is even older than that. The setting is really a character in itself and the book can be read as an historical novel so it doesn’t feel outdated.

My memory of the details was incomplete, which also didn’t matter. More important was that my memory of the sense of wonder was accurate and rewarded by the re-read. I can get as much out of it as I did as a 10 year old because there is still a message in the story for me. And it is such amazing, unabashed and barely restrained fantastic literature that the magic just can’t be contained.

And really, I shouldn’t have worried anyway because the book is all about memory.

The characters and the setting are archetypes of reality revealed in a memory of one essential time and place. It’s set in one year, represents all of time and is anchored in the present – that memory of the all important now is what is essential. The present is composed of the past and our memories of it, we can’t escape it nor should we try.

Of course the story is also about desire and fear and the corruption and predation of life. But in that it is a history of humanity that holds an admonition not only to recall the lessons of the past so that we will not succumb to its deceits but also to remember our own nature.

Read the last line of the book. We may live in cities now but we came from the wild and that is still in our blood. It must be recognized and controlled. We forget who we are and our past at our own peril because the memory of our own dark past flows in our veins.

And no one can write this sort of thing like Ray Bradbury.

Pins dropping, too

There is an old Peanuts strip – so old that I think Snoopy still looks like a dog and hasn’t had flying lessons yet – where Snoopy shows up instantly when there is food and Charlie Brown says that Snoopy can here you eating marshmallows.

I have a cat that can hear you open the bagon a loaf of bread.

He also knows all of the sounds associated with making a sandwich and will appear if I begin to make any of those sounds, even if I am not, actually, making a sandwich.

I think that this is rather clever. It can also be very annoying at times since he is under the impression that I am making him a sandwich. Why would he think that? He doesn’t even like bread.

Third October book read

I finished Johannes Cabal: The Necromancer by Jonathan L. Howard. It is eccentric, shameless, filled with references to books that inspired it and dark. Some parts were written with tongue planted firmly in cheek, I would say more like early Piers Anthony than Douglas Adams, but it is not a light-hearted story.

The protagonist is a self-centered, murderous, anti-social ass. That is not a spoiler. He’s an anti-hero and a jerk and it shows from the start. There is nothing to recommend this man as a decent human being. He leaves a wake of physical and spiritual devastation behind him with cold and cruel abandon. Why, then, did I read it? Well, it starts out with dark humor and I was curious as to how the plot would be resolved. By the time it got really nasty – no blood or gore, just evil – I wanted to see how it ended and it goes pretty quickly.

There are flaws – it’s too fast in places, not focusing on some plot points fully enough, and it lets a few threads get away and doesn’t let others develop fully. That could be the author or required editorial changes. Regardless, they weren’t catastrophic. To the author’s credit he managed to make a book with exceedingly dark themes and an unredeemable protagonist entertaining.

Definitely this was a book for October and Halloween.

And now, Bradbury.

So that’s where the year went

Since the beginning of the month I was wondering how it got to be the beginning of this month. I think I finally managed to figure out where this year went. I was sick. Between actually suffering from viral and other infections and recovering from them, I was sick for more than 12 weeks.

It started in mid-June and kept going until the end of September so I was sick for basically the whole summer. Which explains how it got to be October so fast. That sucks, but at least it makes some sort of sense.

Time sure flies when you’re not really having any kind of fun at all. It does when you’re having fun as well, so back to the reading.

Why certain books

After that last post you might be wondering why I read books by Arturo Pérez-Reverte. I didn’t exactly rave about him, so why bother? Well, for one thing, his books are intriguing and I want to see where some of his stories go. But it might just be that I had one of his books next to the bed when I first got out of the hospital – no, it’s not going to be one of those posts. Maybe I want to read more of his stuff because one of the first books I read that October was by him – specifically The Fencing Master.

The very first book I read was Tim Powers’ The Drawing of the Dark, which was another one that had been on the bedside pile for a while.

These days neither of those books strikes me as particularly appropriate for someone still hazy under the influence of anesthetics and the depletion brought on by 2 months in the hospital. For all I know I only read one word in seven and don’t even know the stories.

Go look up some descriptions of Tim Powers’ books and you’ll see how crazy it was to read one of his just then. Hey, it was close at hand and I didn’t know what I was doing. I actually kind of like Tim Powers. Some of his books are stronger than others (whose aren’t?), but they’re fun in a weird sort of way. A very weird sort of way.

Now back to the October reading list.

A surprisingly familiar plot, with twists

So I’m reading this book, The Club Dumas by Arturo Pérez-Reverte, that I picked up because it had some good reviews and I kind of liked other things I’ve read by the author. His books are a bit eccentric but intriguing enough to be interesting. This one isn’t my favorite of his that I’ve read, but it isn’t a bad book.

Part of the problem may be that, as I read, I realized that I knew some of the story because I had seen parts of a movie based on the book - ‘The Ninth Gate’ starring Johnny Depp (I looked it up). I haven’t seen the entire movie, and it only has part of the story – not unusual for a movie made from a book – so it is very different. I’m not sure it isn’t better for that, or could have been (again, haven’t seen the whole thing so I don’t know). To be fair the parts of the plot the movie used are much more complex and nuanced in the book. There’s also an entire plot the movie ignores.

Though the book has plot complications that are there for reasons I do not know and can’t get from the reading. Maybe I’m too dense, or maybe the plotting is too arbitrary and self-indulgent. I get the feeling that it’s the latter. Whatever.

This is the first non-swashbuckler I’ve read by Pérez-Reverte, and I’ll read others to see what they’re like. I’ve read mostly earlier work and I want to see how his books develop. I may have to try to find out more about how and why this one was written. It seems to explain a lot about his other books, though, as in revealing the books the author loves and his influences.

And it does fit the October theme.

Still reading

I’ve re-read Dracula. It’s been about 25 years and I was surprised by both how much I remembered and how much I did not remember.

I know that this is a hard book to like for a lot of people. For one thing there is the language, which is old and deliberately formal. It is also, for some people, of a different country as well as culture. Then there’s the style which is not a typical narrative. Put all that together and this can be a slog for some people to read. It is a slow-reading book. I understand how that puts people off. For some reason, though, I like the way that Stoker does it and I think that he pulls it off.

I was, however, more critical of it this time than when I first read the book. I let the novelty of it carry it through the rough spots. Plus, finally reading what I had seen interpreted so many times was a lot of fun, which is a strange thing to say about that book. I still enjoyed it, though it is not a book that I would re-read for pleasure very often.

I might return to it as a study, though. I think Stoker handled the structure well, which is not to say that I don’t see some flaws in it. Maybe I’ll write some more about it later.

Right now I am a little behind on the October reading list, so back to the books.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. Read it. None of the movie versions that I’ve seen follow the story or really capture the essence of it. Remember that it’s from the late 19th century, maybe get an annotated version to explain some the arcane or esoteric parts, and enjoy it.

Another book for Halloween

So today I remembered another book that I have that can fit into October: I Shall Wear Midnight by Terry Pratchett, which was an impulse buy. It’s the third, I think, in a series and I haven’t read any of the others, but it was on sale.

I like to read series books in order, but I don’t think it matters in this case so I may make an exception. I suppose this fits for Halloween – that’s when I found it in the store, last year. So, one more book to add to the seasonal list and it’s been on the pile for a while now.

And, yes, I do have Poe and Lovecraft and some other Stoker that would fit as well. I think I will either save all of that for later or just pick them up if I need a short story to fill in between novels.

This is going to be a busy month with books. I am courting, well, not disaster, exactly, but something. What am I thinking?

One more on that topic

When I commuted to work I had a lot of opportunity to see all sorts of things on the road. Once, back when I worked 50 miles from home – the first time, not the most recent time – I saw a truck amongst the traffic that caught my eye. There was not, to be sure, anything particularly special about the truck itself. It was a nice truck, of the sort that a small business owner would use, which was very appropriate as that is exactly how it was being used.

What made it special was that this truck was used by a lightning rod salesman.

Being me I naturally made a connection to that book I posted about recently. I have always loved that character – Tom Fury, a man with secrets, knowledge and wisdom. He sets the tone for the entire story, and his back story intrigues the ever-loving heck out of me.

I saw that truck a few times over the years and, even though I doubt that the day-to-day of that business is anything like the fantasy, it always reminded of the book. I told you that it was stuck in my head.

Being a lightning rod salesman isn’t really like that book, right?

Specialty TBR List

I don’t often re-read books – there are too many that I haven’t read even once yet. But there are two that I do want to re-read sitting in my to-be-read pile, which is actually several stacks of books. But I wanted to save them for October because that seemed to be the right time for them. You can probably guess one of them – the two are Something Wicked This Way Comes and Dracula, so, you know, Halloween books.

Then I noticed some similarities in a few other books in the larger pile: The Historian, The Club Dumas and Johannes Cabal: Necromancer. They seem to constitute a distinct subset. So I’ve put them all together, along with the first two, as a special October pile. I now have a Halloween reading list.

Considering the ponderous tome that is The Historian, not to mention just the number of books, these 5 are pretty much outside my norm for a single month these days, but it will be fun to try.

That Bradbury post

A bit flowery, perhaps, but the first memory of that book has never left me. Whatever I may feel after I read it again I will never lose that sense of reality it gave me. I may have felt wonder at the book itself, but the story seemed to be revealing some truth about the way the world really was.

Sure, I was young and I wanted things to be that way – a world with secrets, though not as dangerous. I wanted that mystery to really be in the world and I wanted to discover the secrets myself. I still want that now that I’m older. One way to explore the secrets is through books – reading and writing them. All the mysteries of the world and more are there for us.

Pretty cool, huh?

The Lightning Rod Salesman

When I was around, I think, 8 years old, I picked up a book to read while waiting for something or other. After I had read a few pages I had to put the book down to go do whatever it was I had to do. But in that brief time I was drawn in by the lyricism of the narrative voice and captured by a sense of wonder that took me instantly and deeply into the story. I was suddenly so thoroughly in a place where magic walked out of storm and down a quiet October street that I could smell the turning leaves in the fall air and taste the ozone bite of lightning on the wind. I could feel around me the unseen forces abroad in the very real world that lived in the pages of that book. The opening of that novel was so compelling and intriguing that I could not forget it. I needed to read the rest of the magic; I had to experience the words.

Then my brother gave the book back to the friend he had borrowed it from.

The book hadn’t had a cover and I didn’t notice the author or title at the top of the page. For years I did not know what the book was. It literally haunted my memory.

Then one day I picked up a book. I don’t remember if it was in a library or a bookstore, but I knew immediately that I had found the book. It was like finding Shangri-La, King Solomon’s Mines, the Maltese Falcon, the Golden Bippy – name a coveted prize and that is how I felt finding that book on the shelf.

I held in my hands Ray Bradbury’s Something Wicked This Way Comes.

{“But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?” Inserted as an aid for those readers who may find this necessary.}

I love Ray Bradbury’s writing and this book is very special to me. It could be that at the time I was about the age of the main characters, and one of a pair of best friends – one dark, one light – as in the book. It was easy to identify.

But more than that, and the tease I had of it, is the book itself. The vision and the language, the characters and setting, the blending of reality and magic within the world and the intrusion of the otherworldly into our lives – all of these are woven into a fabric of Autumn wind, shadows and darkness tempered by friendship, dreams and love. The story conjures chill night air and dangers that manifest from shadows and human desire. We are tempted, threatened and rescued from and through the magic. Words and deeds are powerful, life itself is an adventure and human life is the prize because our humanity is wherein lies our strength.

It has been decades, more than a lifetime really, since I read the book. I don’t remember many details but the essence of it resonates in my mind. There is always the question of whether a book can live up to the memory of it. Can an adult feel the same about the book as the child who first read it? I have nothing in common with any of the characters anymore. I am no longer a child, and while I am now more the age of the father I have no son. I do share the oppressions of age, perhaps not the best of similarities to share. I’m even older than the author was when he wrote the book.

But can Bradbury disappoint? And it is October, the season is right, and I need to re-read this book regardless of the risk. I wonder what I will find in it now.

An important day I choose to remember this year

In 2005 September 30th was a beautiful day, better than even today. It was bright and mild with temperatures just where you would expect for the last day of September. As I recall it didn’t turn grey. The sky was a deep blue filled with high, heavy clouds that just amplified the brightness of the day as they reflected the sun and shone a bright white. The clouds’ seeming luminescence added to the depth of the blue of the sky.

It was gorgeous and it was the day I got out of the hospital.

I can remember that moment very clearly – the moment as we drove away from the hospital. I had been unconscious for most of my time in the hospital but I knew, my mind and my body knew, that I had been there for a long time. Now I was finally out and I was going home.

In a year when I have been avoiding those anniversaries, that is a day worth remembering.

Fair elections

Whatever the cost, before the next election, all voting machines in the country must be changed to be more reliable, they must be required to have a paper trail of all votes cast, maintain a record of all votes rather than just totals and the voter should get a certified copy of their own vote printed for them.

It is too easy to control the votes with electronic voting machines. The tests aren’t good enough and the security isn’t good enough. The modern electronic machines are insecure by design.

For example:
Add a program to the machine that adjusts votes so that one party wins by a set margin no matter what votes are cast
This program is only active on the day of the election while the polls are open
Before election day all tests are valid
After the polls close the program deletes itself
You pick the winner – not the voters

This is not difficult to do. Every year stealing an election becomes easier and easier. Machines can be hacked, pre-programmed, altered wirelessly, totals corrupted and votes made meaningless. The paper trail, the security and the accountability of the people doing the counting all need massive improvement in every voting district in the nation.

Our voting machines must be made accurate, secure and easy to validate.

This should be done immediately whatever the cost, because the cost of not doing this could be too great.

It’s Late September

And I really want to go back to school.

This really belongs on the blue-sky list but I just can’t get it out of my head. I won’t let myself believe that this is something that I can’t do. Well, if I’m honest with myself, I don’t actually believe that it is something that I can do, but I keep thinking about it anyway.

It won’t happen this school year. I didn’t do too well when I tried to do more things earlier this year, which seems to pretty much prove that I don’t have the energy for it. That I have trouble now doesn’t mean I can’t improve (denial or optimism, you decide). So I want to try to get in shape for it hopefully by next year. At the very least it will be a step in my progress – forward or backward doesn’t matter, I need to keep trying different things so working on school is one more thing to try.

Or should I be looking for a pool cue?

The cost of shipping

Fedex: .1 pound package from Philadelphia to Los Angeles costs a minimum of $11.32 and will take 4 days.

UPS: default .5 pound, letter from Philadelphia to Los Angeles costs a minimum of $27.08 and will take 2 days.

USPS: Priority Mail letter from Philadelphia to Los Angeles costs $4.95 and will get there in 2 days and I can mail it on a Saturday. Or I could just mail a letter that will get there in a few days anyway and pay a maximum of $0.44.

Is there an alternative I don’t know about? How would you mail something if there was no Post Office? Why would anyone even want to get rid of the Post Office? Communication of this sort was considered so important that we’ve had a postal service in this country since before we were a country. It all started in 1775 and support for it is even written into the Constitution. Free delivery (RFD) was even started in the late 19th century to keep people in remote parts of the nation connected to the rest of the country in a practical and affordable way.

So why get rid of the post office?

Fun facts:
The Post Office supports itself with stamps, postal fees, PO boxes and selling some shipping products and such. It does not receive one cent in tax dollars. Zero, zip, zilch, nada. If you don’t mail anything then none of your money goes to the Post Office.

The Post Office is only in the red because 5 years ago Congress – which gets to set the rules even though they provide no money for the service – mandated that the USPS fund its pension 75 years in advance. In other words, the USPS must fund its pension for people who may some day work for them but who not only don’t work for them now but they won’t even be born for 50 years. ETA: And they have to do this in just 10 years.

I suppose it’s only a coincidence that not only does this bankrupt the USPS for no good reason, but it also puts billions of dollars into a government controlled fund while also threatening the future of an organization that employs hundreds of thousands of union members.

This could be fixed very easily. The Post Office could be saved from bankruptcy by a vote from Congress that would not cost one cent.

Sure, email has cut back on letters, but the Post Office was and could go on doing just fine if Congress let it. Of course people complain when the cost of a stamp goes up – it’s human nature. A first class letter cost 5 cents when I was a kid, now it’s 44 cents. Is that really so much? What are the alternatives?

Memory Day

I have not been mentioning anniversaries this year. In fact I have been deliberately avoiding the topic, both here and in my life – to lesser and greater degrees of success.

Today is different, though I’m not entirely sure why it is so important to me personally. Maybe it’s because I remember it.

You see, that’s the whole point of the day. September 9th is the day I started to remember things after being taken off the sedatives. I wasn’t remembering much, and even at the time I knew that I wasn’t remembering things in order. I have memories over a three day period that even then I knew that I couldn’t tell what day a particular memory was from. It wasn’t until the 12th that I started remembering things sequentially.

But I was conscious, more or less, and remembering. And I know for sure that it started on the 9th. There are fragments from when I was sedated, but they aren’t full or accurate memories, just bits and pieces that I held onto. The real memories are important. I imagine that it makes me think of myself as a real person. Damn, this is hard to write about.

There’s a big gap in my life that covers things that have changed my life dramatically. Maybe that’s why I care about today. In some ways my mind knew that I had been in the hospital for a long time and this signaled an end to the weeks of sedation in the ICU. I don’t know. Maybe there’s no good reason for it, except that I could think.

I still have problems with my memory. I forget some things and I can’t recall other things from the past. It’s a real mess in there. I may not always know right away what day of the week it is, but I’m always pretty sure that today isn’t yesterday. In a way it should really be September 12th that’s important because that was when I started to experience life more normally again. Being able to understand how the days are ordered is a very significant thing. Yet I can’t help having a special feeling about today. It was a triumph of sorts that can actually only be realized after the fact.

If it hadn’t been for that other breakthrough on the 12th when the memories became more ordered – and I attribute that to being more recovered from the sedation – then I wouldn’t really know that the 9th was a special day at all. It would just be another day in a jumble of memories that I couldn’t sort out.

Maybe I should combine the two, the way official holidays are merged, and celebrate Memory Day. I can make it the Monday closest to the time between the 9th and the 12th. I think I’ll do that, if I can remember to.

Look, new posts

I guess you could take these posts to assume that I am finally getting over my (FOURTH!) cold of the summer. I am.

I am slowly starting to feel a little better. These recent posts were prompted by things I noticed recently. Once my head clears a bit more I’ll get back to more regular posting around here.

Jobs speech

Not a bad speech, but there were some things I would have done differently and certainly a few things that he shouldn’t be proposing.

A payroll tax cut sounds nice but it means cutting funding for Social Security. That is a bad thing.

Saying we have to reform Medicare to strengthen it is usually the phrase used by people who want to cut benefits and raise the enrollment age – which means hurt and weaken Medicare. You may want to call it strengthening but if you cut the system back it is weakening it.

The Georgia Works program doesn’t work very well if at all, so proposing going national with that is a bad idea.

Putting people to work is a great idea, and the areas mentioned are important, but I don’t think it goes far enough. There needs to be more direct action to put people back to work, which means spending to actually create jobs. It worked before, it can work again.

Most of this is tax cuts and not enough actual jobs. I’ll wait till the real numbers come out, but I am not optimistic. I think that it was very telling that the Republicans in the chamber would not respond to even statements that should be uncontroversial, politically speaking. There were only 2 or 3 times when they applauded – with the exception of one guy on the end who I couldn’t get a good look at. You can’t prove anything either way from this about the Democrats, but it does show that there is no desire for bipartisanship from the Republicans.

I won’t hold my breath on the whole getting the rich and corporations to pay a fair share of taxes. And denigrating regulation doesn’t help either. The speech didn’t propose anything really strong, and it does threaten to make things worse. Paying for this by cutting the budget by another $500 billion? That isn’t exactly a novel position to take, and where do the cuts come from. There’s just too much politics here and not enough statesmanship. I also think the best it can do is break even on the budget.

As a campaign strategy I think it was very good, but it remains to be seen if this will get any jobs created. Like he said, we can’t wait 14 months to get something done. We need action now. We need jobs now. I wasn’t expecting any more than this. To be honest I expected a less forceful speech. Still, as much as this may help in some way, I don’t think it goes far enough. There won’t be enough jobs.

Screw the deficit, raise taxes on the rich and put people back to work now. Fix the roads, fix the bridges, fix the railroads, fix the electric grid, invest in alternative energy and repair all the damage done by the earthquakes and storms. That will create jobs and in turn help the economy.

That’s my initial reaction in a disorganized way.

WWRD

It seems that there’s a debate this evening at the Reagan Presidential Library. I’m not watching, I tend to ignore these sideshows especially this early in the campaigns.

Still, I want whoever is running the thing to ask this:

Here in the Presidential Library honoring the Presidency of an acknowledged Republican hero, I want to ask, which of you would have the courage to do what Ronald Reagan did to improve the economy and protect Social Security?

I would have no other questions.

Preservation

What, exactly, is it that modern conservatives are trying to conserve?

My Studebaker got a flat

Actually it’s more like it needs a tune-up, and rings, and an air filter, and a radiator, and maybe a new transmission and a new suspension.

So I’m doing this realigning thing and trying to be active and not avoid things and still not realizing that I am just a bit delusional about this whole thing.

I did a little bit more, trying to get into new situations and do more things and along the way I didn’t pay enough attention to what I was doing with the rest of my time and energy.

As my wife pointed out I don’t sleep. I wake up anywhere from 6 to 12 times a night. I don’t get enough hours or enough rest. And my recovery time from exertion is not any better than it was.

Which is why it shouldn’t surprise me that when I did a few things more than maybe I should have I got sick. Yep, I’m sick again. Sick in June and now sick in August.

So time for more considering things and working out some more details on how to take things in moderation. And as my wife says give myself time to recover. I imagine that this is just a way to force me to lay low for a while. One cancelled doctor appointment – that I could have really used – so far. Mostly kept quiet today and I’ll try for the same tomorrow.

When my head clears, rather, when my mind clears, after this cold, I will examine how best to proceed. Until then, rest. And one of these days I’ll post some actual details about what I am doing.

Well, at least I got to experience an earthquake, and maybe now (another) hurricane.

Earthquake

As I said elsewhere, the thing about that earthquake was that there were workers pruning trees around the power lines across the street and I thought that they had either snagged the line to the house or had somehow dropped the bucket from the truck on our roof. Either was unlikely to make the house shake the way it did but those were the immediate possibilities.

There are a lot of people talking about how this was not a very big earthquake. It wasn’t. But the ground around here is one big rock and it transmits the energy very well. When a truck hits a bump two miles away the house shakes. Also, houses in my part of the country were not built with earthquakes in mind. My house is old, and though it is pretty solid, it wasn’t meant to endure this sort of thing.

The house shook, the walls undulated, the floor was bouncing up and down and the roof was shaking in rolling waves. Furniture shook, shelves were swaying back and forth and things on the walls were banging about.

Maybe 5.9 isn’t a really big earthquake, but it moved a lot of things around here. Not knowing it was an earthquake I thought something had hit the house and was rolling around on the roof – and somehow making the shelves I was standing next to shake back and forth by almost a foot while I literally bounced up and down as the floor moved. I was outside checking the condition of the house before I knew it was an earthquake and things were still swaying.

As far as I know we’re fine – no apparent damage – but there are reasons to be concerned about this and not make light of it just because those stupid easterners aren’t used to earthquakes. It’s because this is rare that it is something to think about. The last earthquake of this magnitude in the east was in the 19th century. Cities built in the 20th century aren’t made to stand up to that.

Now that it’s over we’ll hear all the jokes. Apparently no one was hurt, but there was damage to buildings and I was worried about the integrity of my own house. I am thinking about getting someone out to inspect the place. It may not seem like that big a deal to some people, but think about your own house being subjected to more stress than it was built to withstand. All things are relative and this was a relatively big deal.

There goes another green one right now

That buying a Studebaker Commander concept (see previous post) is a long term project. There is no instant gratification here, in fact, that’s pretty much the opposite of what this is all about.

It’s not that I’m denying what is wrong with me. I may do that to myself at times, or try to, but this isn’t one of them. And I don’t just mean working around my limitations, that’s a part of daily life. This is about trying things that might seem a bit crazy to try, things I might reasonably think I can’t do anymore and that may actually be beyond my abilities these days.

Big words, I know, and it remains to be seen how I manage.

I want to make sure that I don’t let whatever deficits I have get in the way where they shouldn’t. After all, I may not be able to do everything, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do anything. There must be things that I can do, even things that I can be good at. I need to find what they are.

I need to look for the things that I can do in spite of what is wrong with me, however small. Maybe I won’t be as accomplished as I may have once been able to be, but I can still be as accomplished as possible. I am always trying to get back to where I was or get to the point where I can lead a normal life, but I have pushed aside things that are beyond that.

I have neglected to dream about things that are more than necessary.

I need to dream.

A bear in his natural habitat

You know how when you buy a car, or anything really, you start to see all of the things just like it all around you? Once you buy a green Studebaker Commander everyone seems to be driving one.

Well, I decided not to let any limitations I have stop me from trying to do new things. So naturally I’ve been hearing a lot of things that relate to that. Suddenly I am hearing or reading things about people (superficially) like me or things about various aspects of recovery or doing better with what you have.

While some of it is little more than marketing, some of it actually resonates with me. I am trying to take it all in as it comes.

It’s only a burden if you make it one

All right, let’s just set aside the fact that we can eliminate the debt with some modest increases in taxes.

One of the favorite plaints is that we simply cannot leave this horrible debt for our grandchildren to pay.

Who said our grandchildren have to pay it?

No one today is willing to pay it, and we still have a functioning country. We’ve had debt since the founding of this nation. So who said it is ever going to be paid off? Sure, we pay our bills as they come due, and then we incur more debt. Countries work that way.

This is a bogus complaint. The debt is there, it would be nice if it wasn’t, but it need not be a crushing burden for any generation. If we wanted it to the government could borrow a lot of money really cheap right now and reduce interest payments. No one ever talks alternatives. It’s always just a flat – OHMYGODTHEDEBTISBAD – usually from people who didn’t care about the debt when their guy was in the White House. It’s just an excuse to do things that don’t really help the debt at all.

Yes, our nation has a debt. We can pay it off – or not.

That’s really the truth of the matter.

I wish I could do fake video

I want to take that AT&T commercial where the young guy talks to the old guy in the Italian village and his phone translates:
‘Excuse me. My Grandfather was born in this village.’

The old man listens to the translation and a look of recognition and kindness comes over his face.

I want to add a line for the old man where he looks at the kid and says, ‘I remember your Grandfather, you look just like him.’ Then his expression changes and he says, ‘He owes me twenty bucks.’

Does that make me a bad person?

Aargh

I spent the whole day finishing up some paperwork for the LTD insurance company. They do this periodically, asking for a doctor’s assessment of my condition, updates on my status, a list of docs I see and meds I take, and a few other things.

I don’t think they have any idea how difficult that is. It doesn’t sound like much, but it involves two extra trips to my doctor, pulling together all the information they want (that I have no other reason to keep track of in one place), getting the other info that I don’t normally have anyway because I have no use for it, filling out the forms and then checking everything.

This is just the kind of stuff that I have trouble with.

So, as productive as I may have been it certainly is tiring and I don’t get anything else done. It even managed to drive everything else I needed to do out of my head.

Oh well, at least it’s done and gets mailed tomorrow. Did I mention I had to fight the thing to fold it small enough to fit in the envelope? No, well, there was that too.

All I have to do the rest of the week is two doctor appointments, one trip for the dog, a run to the post office, some quick shopping for things we’ve run out of (that’s what I was supposed to do today) and make four more doctor appointments.

Fun, fun, fun.

Yes, it could be worse, but it still isn’t anything you would volunteer for.

Well, sometimes I just have to vent – in public even, but I should stop complaining. If my head has cleared enough maybe I can go read.

Balance

Sometimes there is no balance in life. All you can do is go back and forth, teetering on either side of that tiny point in the middle, letting life swing from one side to the other and hoping to avoid the extremes.

Jobs and taxes

If cutting corporate taxes really will create jobs, I have a suggestion.

Cut corporate taxes if they create jobs. Do it after the jobs are created, not as an incentive but as a reward.

I may not wear rose colored glasses, but ...

In spite of what I have been posting lately, and even in light of the fact that I do see little hope for this country to not only not achieve what is possible but to not even do what is rational or moral, I have not stopped trying in my personal life.

I was talking to a doctor once and I mentioned that I was more than open to suggestions about what I could do to work or improve so I could get back to work in some way. The doctor asked me, if I was disabled and couldn’t work, why would I even ask such a thing?

After a moment or two of shock, during which I wondered what the heck this person was thinking, I said that I had to try. I ask for advice all the time. I know that I have physical limitations that make it impossible for me to do even part-time work. I can’t even manage a couple of hours a day. That doesn’t mean I don’t want that to change and that I won’t look for any way I can to get around it.

I have to try.

I don’t know if the doctor believed me, of course they were working for an insurance company so who knows. They didn’t believe you could think about more than one thing at a time, either. That came up when I explained that I couldn’t multi-task anymore. Whatever.

I have to try. I have to keep trying even when I fail and even when experience shows me that I can not do what I want to do. The alternative is to give up. I’m not going to give up. I don’t know a single disabled person who would.

Yes, I have limitations and deficits, I am disabled, I am depressed, I struggle to do things that were not even worth a thought before, I get through some days by sheer stubbornness and then I collapse for days after. So what?

I still keep working on ways to get around the limitations, or to find other things that I might be able to do – which is why I ask about things to try – and I still look for ways to be more than what I am right now. Moving is hard, thinking is hard, heck, even sitting in a chair is hard and the pain doesn’t care if I’m moving or not, but that’s the point. It doesn’t go away if I do nothing – and I don’t get better if I do nothing. So why would I do nothing?

Sure, I have to be careful not to make things worse and I do have problems with recovering from any level exertion. If I push too hard I could injure myself, maybe even kill myself by trying too hard, but I’m not talking about being unreasonable. Well, maybe except for the parts where I’m stubborn. And I do need to talk to my cardiologist about a few things but that’s a different story.

My point is that I can’t do things right now, but I want to be able to do something in the future and in order to get there I have to try. I may not make it. I’ll deal with that later. (Yes, this could indicate an irrational denial of reality. I don’t care.)

The world sucks, the country sucks and most of the time life sucks. I may have no hope of ever achieving what I want to achieve or even accomplishing anything at all. My own limitations or outside forces may get in the way. That does not mean that I will give up and not try.

Who was it who said that if you don’t try you’ve already failed? Well in this situation they were right.


Keep on truckin’.

Double dipping

I can’t get that worked up about the chances of a double-dip recession. It’s not that I think it can’t happen. I’m just not sure what the consequences will be or how bad it would be.

Let me explain.

We had a recession in which millions of people lost their jobs, their homes and their savings. At the same time Wall Street and many banks tanked, a few investment companies even went out of business or were swallowed by larger companies.

In the recovery – the time when the technical definition of a recession ending was met – Wall Street recovered, the investment companies recovered and the banks recovered, largely because of enormous bailouts paid for with tax dollars. In most cases, the employees responsible for the crisis did not suffer at all.

At the same time employment crept up marginally, but most of the jobs were low paying and the good jobs that had been lost are still not there. People haven’t gotten their houses back and their life savings are still gone.

So, to recap: the recession hurt the banks and millions of Americans, the recovery helped the banks and very few Americans.

If there is another dip into a new recession, Wall Street will be hurt. Will more average Americans be hurt? This recovery has helped people who already had money, if they lose money that their only sticking in their pockets and not spending anyway, why should I care?

So, I’m really not sure a double-dip recession will cause more pain for most people. We’re already hurting and no one in power seems to care, so why should I care about them?


Let me add that since the bill just passed that will supposedly help the economy actually costs jobs and reduces spending that could help people and the economy I really can’t believe anything that Washington says about what I should worry about, what needs to be done or even what color the sky is.

The future

I’ve been ranting, though I would say in a very reasonable manner with understandable motivation.

What has been happening in this country, and what specifically just happened over the debt ceiling deal, was not a loss for a political party. This was a loss for the people of this country.

If you’re not old enough to remember, go look up what air and water quality were like before the EPA. Or food safety back when there was money and the will to do inspections. We already know what happens to the economy when Wall Street isn’t regulated.

Go back further and look at what happened under FDR to see how we could have gotten out of this mess – and check out Hoover, the failed policies will look familiar.

Or just think of your own commute and how many potholes there are in the street, how few trains there are and how dirty the streets are.

With negative changes probably coming to many government agencies, with no help for unemployment and with no stimulus, no revenue and only cuts I can’t see anything good coming from this. The immediate future may be reminiscent of the 1920s and ‘30s, and since I think this country lacks the will to force the necessary changes, the Great Depression may look like a Golden Age in comparison.

Less than 20 years ago we had a strong economy and a strong nation, but after 30 years of deliberate assault our democracy is all but dead. No, it’s not a crazy conspiracy theory, it’s just that most people don’t realize it happened or why or how. A handful of people control enough politicians to rule the country. Elected representatives of less than 20% of the population dictate policy to the rest.

Manufactured budget crises are being used as excuses to hurt people so that the rich can be given more. Many states and the country as a whole are not being governed for the good of the people but for the benefit of wealthy political donors.

I have always cared about how this country treated people in need, or even just people who needed a little help. I cared even when these things did not touch me, even when my wife and I were both healthy and employed in secure, well paying jobs. I used to have hope for my future and the future of the nation.

I really don’t have much hope anymore. Not for the country or for myself. I am dependent on others for everything I need to live. I’m trying to change that, but the way things look I won’t get the chance. I’m honestly not sure I’ll be around in five years. Hell, I’m not sure I’ll make it to next year.

Taxes

Republicans are celebrating that there are no tax hikes in the debt deal. I can only take that to mean that they want increased consolidation of power in the hands of a minority wealthy elite and that the wealthy should not have to contribute fairly to the country that makes it possible for them to be wealthy in the first place.

Not raising taxes and cutting spending in this type of economy is the wrong thing to do. We may all survive this, but it could have been so much easier.

Social Security

And isn’t it nice that they say they won’t touch Social Security to balance the budget. Which is really nice because it almost make me think they aren’t complete idiots since, repeat after me,

SOCIAL SECURITY DOES NOT, NEVER HAS AND NEVER WILL ADD TO THE DEFICIT.

Medicare

Oh, look, they promise to only cut Medicare to providers and they claim that it isn’t a cut to recipients’ benefits. Apparently limiting where sick people can get their health care isn’t a cut. I remember the same people that support this screaming about death panels that didn’t exist. I guess it’s OK if it only hurts people and not insurance companies.

Maybe they think this will force people to use private insurance but there isn’t a private insurer in the country who will cover you if you’re eligible for Medicare. And not cutting Medicaid might not help much because in some places it’s used to pay Medicare premiums so people can get health care through that.

Well, it only hurts poor people, seniors and the disabled so I guess it’s OK.

Disgusted

I don’t imagine that many people are surprised that this entire debt ceiling fiasco has been nothing more than political theater that benefits the rich and at best does nothing for 98% of the American people.

Of course at worst this accelerates the downward economic spiral and destroys peoples’ lives.

No, now that I think of it, that’s what it does by design. To be worse it would actually have to cut all discretionary spending immediately, triple taxes on the middle class and cut all taxes on the rich.

This has all been staging for everyone’s next campaign. Remember, the people who promise to take away your pain next election are the ones who caused it in the first place. They don’t care who they hurt as long as they have their power.*

We can take it away from them, you know. No matter how many millions they get in contributions it doesn’t count unless they get the votes.**

Mitch McConnell said it himself when he said that since elections didn’t get him what he wanted he’d find another way to do it. Well, we just saw it happen. The nation’s economy was just held hostage – basically, the American people were threatened with harm if a few politicians weren’t allowed to harm them. Kind of like saying if you don’t let me shoot this hostage I’ll shoot this hostage.

They just shot the hostage.

Expect this to happen again, and in ways that will further hurt the country.

This is broken democracy.



* A few thought they were doing the only thing they could do under the circumstances. I think most of them were wrong.

** Though we do need to make sure the elections aren’t stolen because the stage is already set for that.

Oblivious

I just got a CD in a cardboard case. No, it wasn’t available as a download and I like a more persistent storage medium anyway. For some reason I wondered about the cost savings that motivated the packaging choice. Then I realized that I have allowed myself to become conditioned to the plastic CD cases with their insanity inducing plastic wrappers and adhesive seals. The cardboard ones come with a simple shrink-wrap cover, so what’s not to like about that?

You know what else? Albums came in cardboard, including the original version of this one, and I never thought that was weird.

Gah

Man, I forgot how much these stress tests take out of me.

Venting

About all I can think of to sum up how I feel at the moment is $@&!. No, it’s not about the state of the economy or the appalling condition of politics in the country. This time it’s personal.

Today I had myself measured, sonically probed, tested, stressed and probed some more. No irradiation this time. Technically the results were good and I should be happy. The problem is I still have an electrical problem with my heart.

Not the cardiologist or any other doctor I have mentioned this to thinks it’s a big deal. Unfortunately I do.

I know that I should be happy with the overall state of my health. I handled the test pretty well and the results, especially considering my condition, were encouraging.

But I am very depressed at the moment. That’s why I’m here venting. I am pissed. I don’t know why this happened – neither does anyone else. Whether this is the result of my illness or some medication or would have happened anyway doesn’t really matter. However it happened there is nothing that I can do about it.

So I’m depressed.

I am also alive and relatively healthy. I could be much worse off. I just can’t get past this yet. I was hoping that a change in medication would make this condition go away but it didn’t. Nothing is worse, but nothing is better. In fact, as I said, I handled the test pretty well and the cardiologist said the results were good. I was actually very nervous before this test for no really good reason and then it went well. My heart performed well under the stress and the doctor didn’t recommend any treatment, just come back in the fall. Of course I used to see him once a year and now it’s twice.

What’s also not helping is that I am exhausted – I mean I’m having trouble just standing up and walking across the room. I am also sore, and tomorrow I will be in even more pain. My legs are not happy with me, my lungs are tired, my heart is glad that it’s over and in general my body is wondering what the heck just happened. And my brain is frazzled.

Oh, and my chest already itches.

Things could be worse and eventually I will see that is true. I will see just what my life is like and realize that I could be in much worse shape. I am alive. However healthy I am, I am still alive. I should be happy with how the test turned out, and I will be. It’s just going to take some time.

Have pity for my poor wife who has to deal with me when I’m like this.

Hope I make it through the week

I’m finally catching up with my doctor appointments, but the effort is catching up with me. I had to cancel so many appointments when I was sick, and then sick again, that it’s taken till now to make headway. I have a certain amount of trouble getting back on track, plus it takes time to get in to see some of these doctors.

Next up is a stress test and then, if the cardiologist OKs it, an exercise pulmonary function test.

Then I have to see four or five new doctors for various things, maybe some more physical therapy, and definitely some tests. The fun never ends.

I saw my primary doctor today and we figured out that I got both of the viruses that were going around in June. Lucky me.

It's that time again

Today is Call In Sick and Never Go Back to Work Day.

I'm not sure how you're supposed to celebrate.

Get rid of the debt ceiling

I'm convinced that there really are some people who want the economy to explode just so that afterwards they can pick up only the few pieces that they like.

How many halves are there?

I saw a headline about some aspect of how the other half lives.

You know, it’s really how the top 2% live. Wealth isn’t split 50-50 in this country. I think the belief that it was is what caused our current problem.

It’s hard to disbelieve the aphorisms you were raised with, but I think people are finally starting to see the truth.





Yes, I know that it’s also true that people want to think that they are better off than they really are and also want to have hope that they will be very successful some day. Trust me, I know the feeling, I live with it every day.

But the misperception of wealth is enforced by societal sophistries that cause much more harm than simple faith does. We should hold to faith but speak the truth even though it hurts. Without knowing where we are we can’t know what to aspire to.

No anchovies? I'm sorry, I spell my name...

I just wanted to say that there should be pizza delivery 24 hours a day.

Carry on.

Short-sighted and just plain wrong

Here’s the short version of the rant I first wrote.

The debt ceiling will be raised but there will spending cuts and no tax increases or loophole closures. That is the way the people who run this country want it to be.

That is not what the majority of Americans want, it is not the right thing to do and it will not help the economy.

This will happen because the people in charge in Washington want spending cuts – Republicans and Democrats, Congress and the White House. It will hurt a lot of people, but the politicians have decided that this is the best way to get re-elected. They may be right. The problem is, politicians aren’t elected to get re-elected, they’re elected to do the best damn job they can do to help the country.

If all they did was raise the debt limit and allow the current tax cuts to expire the deficit will go down. It will do so slowly, but it will go down. With no spending cuts. But Washington is in love with spending cuts because they think it makes them look all grown up and serious. It’s despicable.

This is a great nation being ruined by small people.

I hope that I am wrong. I hope that something changes.

Borders and bookstores

I love books – printed on paper and bound together hold in your hand books. I am very discouraged that Borders is closing. They couldn’t get an investor who could outbid the liquidator so all remaining Borders stores will close starting most likely this Friday. They are expected to be completely out of business by the end of September.

There is a seeming contradiction in that people who like book stores did not like the idea of Borders and Barnes & Noble dominating the bookselling business but they will also bemoan the loss of Borders. It’s because of a love of diversity and options and also that any loss of book stores is a bad thing.

I wonder if this may, in a strange way and my wildest dreams, possibly lead to a good thing. There is now a dearth of book stores – well, there always was – as the Borders stores close. Presumably those areas are now underserved. From what I’ve read it was bad business decisions that led to the downfall of Borders, not a lack of customers. So, could this be an opportunity for independent book stores to move in, fill the vacuum and succeed?

I’d love to think that this was possible. I may not be optimistic enough to believe it completely, but I am optimistic enough to think that it’s a good opportunity. If I had the money I’d try it myself.

Of secrets and food

There’s this secret dinner party. Well, it’s not secret. Everyone knows it happens and the city sort of just looks the other way. But the guest list is secret and so is the location. Yet 10,000 people attended the last one.

It’s called the Dîner en Blanc, the Dinner in White, and it happens in Paris each year. You can read about it here. There is one planned for New York City, with some modifications and not quite the same class distinctions.

The headline worked, because it made me want to know how 10k people keep a secret and just what the secret was – and obviously it was no longer a secret so, what gives. So I read the article and I was fascinated that something like that could be pulled off. It’s an intriguing idea. But as I read the article I realized that it wasn’t that unusual. At least it wasn’t unique. I know of something similar. I’ve even been there.

I’m not really sure I should give many details here, but I can say that I know of something like this, though it is much more casual. OK, it is extremely casual and it only slightly resembles this dinner. Actually, the dinner resembles it because the dinner is of more recent creation. One thing they have in common is a strange type of secrecy.

Somewhere in one of the 50 states there is a party held every year. People show up on a certain day, which is fixed, though the time is flexible as it is an all day, ongoing party. You bring whatever food you want to eat and to share and everyone partakes of whatever is brought. Meals are not set and seating is random.

The cool part is, if you know about the party you’re invited. It may not draw 10k people, but it is a more or less open invitation party and lots of people do show up. And it’s a secret, sort of. It’s also been going on for at least 30 years.

This and the dinner mentioned in the article have a few other things in common. The concepts of bringing food and seating and tables apply, as does the policy of cleaning up after yourself. But far from being fancy dress white this is more of a hippie cookout – tie-dye is more likely than tuxedo. Shorts and t-shirts are the order of the day and the food is pot luck, unpretentious and very good. There is a large portion of protein provided by the host, all else comes with the guests, as does the entertainment. There are few rules, no formality and lots of mingling and talk, music, some dance and even fireworks.

It’s a party.

I haven’t been able to attend in many years, but it’s pretty cool.

I wonder where else this sort of thing happens? How many open secrets are there in the world? How many dinners and dances and cookouts and parties happen all around us that we know nothing about, but would know if we just happened to stumble on them? There is magic in all of this. Everyday human magic, but no less potent for that. Humans can think up some pretty interesting ways to get together and have fun.

Nothing new

Just for the record, everything that I say about Medicare and Social Security and taxes was my position before I got sick and would be the same were I to somehow make a full recovery and/or be a billionaire.

My position just gives me personal insight into how some of this works.

Watch those skies ...

or

Can we have some 20-20 foresight for a change?


OK, I won’t go on about how science is denigrated in this country and research is underfunded. I won’t go on about how we’re canceling programs and killing a space telescope that is almost finished. I’ll only briefly mention that NASA’s budget is being cut for what the scientists need but kept for what politicians want for their home districts.

And I’m sure you’re all aware that Friday saw the final launch of the Space Shuttle and there is no replacement even in the planning stages. This country has no manned spaceflight vehicle. If we want to get into space we have to hitch a ride with someone else.

Is anyone proud of this?

We are ceding scientific leadership to the rest of the world. That is not what a great nation does.

But instead of focusing on that I want to ask a question: who read science fiction in the 60s and 70s?

When the government doesn’t want to invest in manned space exploration it’s left to people who see a profit in it. That would probably mean mining the asteroid belt. Remember what happens if belter miners get upset?

When you have all the equipment needed to run mining operations in space you also have everything you need to drop an asteroid out of orbit and send it towards the Earth.

Can we get some more funding for NASA, please? I’d like some pure exploration in space that doesn’t end up dropping a huge rock on my head.



By the way, NASA has shown a profit for the country. Beyond employing thousands of people, if memory serves the Apollo program returned something like $600 into the economy for every $1 spent. Though I believe that we need to explore for the sake of knowledge not just profit. Besides, we don’t know where the next discovery will lead until we make it, and we’ll never make it if we’re too cheap to pay for it.

By limiting our vision we limit ourselves.

Reality

This is not a plea for sympathy, I’m just using myself as an example because I know the numbers. This is an explanation of how people find themselves living at the whim of others. A position I often see taken against Social Security and Medicare is that people should have the sense to save for the future.

Now, aside from the obvious problem that many people don’t earn enough to save let alone retire, there are other possibilities.

I was 46 when I got critically ill and almost died. Did you have enough saved for retirement at 46? I don’t mean enough to retire after 20 more years of work, I mean enough to retire at 46 and then live off of for the next 30 years or more.

So, I got sick at 46, I can’t work, I had 6 months at 40% pay (a benefit I appreciated, but not a way to get rich), I had a year where I had no money at all coming in (my insurance company didn’t believe my doctors), now I am dependent on various forms of insurance (that I paid for) that give me about the same amount as I made in the early 90s. I also have medical expenses that are more than 3000% higher than they used to be – that is not an exaggeration.

My out of pocket medical expenses are just over 28% of my income. That’s with two forms of decent insurance. Is it a surprise that people go bankrupt because of medical debt?

By the way, when I got sick it cost $1.3 million dollars to save my life. Does anyone honestly question a need for good insurance for everyone?

I haven’t given up trying to find a way to get back to some form of work, but I may not be able to and there are people who are in worse shape than I am.

Social Security and Medicare are called social safety nets for a reason. Sometimes, no matter how well you plan, illness and accident and age will catch up with you. My wife got cancer, was hit by a reckless driver and can’t work. I got sick and almost died and can’t work. Who can plan for that?

Do you know what your health will be like when you reach 65 or 70 or 80 – or tomorrow?

Are you ready for anything like this in your life?

Revenue vs spending

Say you’re married and then have a couple of kids. It’s nothing extravagant, it’s just life.

But when your family grows your cost of living rises. So what do you do? You don’t adjust the family budget by deciding who doesn’t get to eat. You don’t reduce spending on necessities. You don’t want to stop going to the doctor but you might have to. What you do is cut costs on luxuries and you look for ways to make more money.

The US has the lowest tax rates as well as the lowest revenue as a percent of GDP since the 1950s.

But we also have twice the population.

Cutting services is the wrong way to go. We need to increase government revenue. This would not hurt the economy (look at the history of this country for the proof). There’s a lot of money out there that is essentially just sitting around. And that money wasn’t magically created by the top 2% of the population. That wealth is generated by all 300 million of us and it needs to be used to support all 300 million of us.

It’s always been about the money

The reason they keep talking about Social Security is because the money in the trust fund has been borrowed by the Federal Government over the past 10 – 15 years. If they don’t kill Social Security they know they’ll have to pay off the loan and the only way to do that is to raise taxes.

They don’t want to raise taxes. They don’t want to repay the money. They want to steal it.

Well, some people are just ideologically opposed to Social Security, but for the rest …

Forget the chained CPI, it hurts now

There has been no Cost of Living Adjustment for Social Security in 3 years. All the talk about changing the way the cost of living is calculated fails to mention that. People on Social Security don’t have to wait for it to get worse.

On top of that Medicare premiums have increased – and that comes out of your Social Security payment.

People on Social Security also got a tax increase last year. The Making Work Pay tax credit applied to some people on Social Security. The so-called payroll tax holiday doesn’t apply to people on Social Security. So 2010 saw a tax hike for people on Social Security.

Everyone on Social Security is already paying more while trying to get by on a fixed income, though in reality it’s a shrinking income.

I sure hope those billionaire hedge fund managers don’t have trouble getting by.



Did I mention that Social Security doesn’t contribute to the deficit? Cutting benefits won’t cut the deficit by one penny.

Medicare

Currently the average couple on Social Security pays about 10% of their income for Medicare premiums. Proposed changes would make that closer to 30% for private insurance instead.

In my area, if they will sell it to you and there are no pre-existing conditions to get in the way, health insurance for a couple at retirement age will cost you $18,000 a year for a policy with a $2,000 deductible.

The new plan proposed to replace Medicare will give that same couple just under $12,000 to buy that $18,000 private insurance policy (which sends more tax dollars to private companies).

The average Social Security income for a couple is less than $22,000 a year.

That means after they buy insurance and pay their deductible (22 + 12 – 18 – 2), a couple will have $14,000 left over for everything else. That everything else includes, among other things, food, shelter, heat, co-pays and co-insurance. That’s assuming they don’t get sick. Take my wife and me as an example. We get more than that average. Still, for us, basic non-discretionary living costs and high out-of-pocket medical expenses mean that we would have about $6,000 a year to live on.

Can you live on $6,000 a year? How about after 15 years of inflation?

Please understand that cutting Medicare or Social Security isn’t about balancing a budget, it’s about people’s lives.

Current Events

I’ve been sick and I haven’t been posting much. I wrote some things a while ago and didn’t post them because I didn’t want to stay on a political path exclusively. Recent news about deficit talks and cutting Social Security and Medicare has changed my mind.

So there will be a few things posted about politics and peoples’ lives.

Let’s start now.

You know that 51% of the US public that doesn’t pay federal income tax some people like to talk about? They don’t pay because they don’t make enough to hit the lowest tax bracket. They’re poor.

And they do pay payroll taxes and sales taxes and gas taxes and local taxes and fees.



Now some more.

IN CONGRESS. July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

WHEN in the Course of human Events, it becomes necessary for one People to dissolve the Political Bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the Powers of the Earth, the separate and equal Station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent Respect to the Opinions of Mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the Separation.

WE hold the Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness – That to secure these Rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed, that when any Form of Government becomes destructive of these Ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its Foundation on such Principles, and organizing its Powers in such Form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient Causes; and accordingly all Experience hath shewn, that Mankind are more disposed to suffer, while Evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the Forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long Train of Abuses and Usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object, evinces a Design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their Right, it is their Duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future Security. Such has been the patient Sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the Necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The History of the present King of Great-Britain is a History of repeated Injuries and Usurpations, all having in direct Object the Establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid World.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public Good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing Importance, unless suspended in their Operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the Accommodation of large Districts of People, unless those People would relinquish the Rights of Representation in the Legislature, a Right inestimable to them, and formidable to Tyrants only.

He has called together Legislative Bodies at Places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the Depository of their public Records, for the sole Purpose of fatiguing them into Compliance with his Measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly Firmness his Invasions on the Rights of the People.

He has refused for a long Time, after such Dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the Dangers of Invasion from without, and Convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the Population of these States; for that Purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their Migrations hither, and raising the Conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the Tenure of their Offices, and the Amount and Payment of their Salaries.

He has erected a Multitude of new Offices, and sent hither Swarms of Officers to harass our People, and eat out their Substance.

He has kept among us, in Times of Peace, Standing Armies, without the consent of our Legislatures.

He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a Jurisdiction foreign to our Constitution, and unacknowledged by our Laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large Bodies of Armed Troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from Punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all Parts of the World:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us, in many Cases, of the Benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended Offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an arbitrary Government, and enlarging its Boundaries, so as to render it at once an Example and fit Instrument for introducing the same absolute Rule into these Colonies:

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with Power to legislate for us in all Cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our Seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our Towns, and destroyed the Lives of our People.

He is, at this Time, transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the Works of Death, Desolation, and Tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty and Perfidy, scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous Ages, and totally unworthy of the Head of a civilized Nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the Executioners of their Friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic Insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the Inhabitants of our Frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known Rule of Warfare, is an undistinguished Destruction, of all Ages, Sexes and Conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions we have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble Terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated Injury. A Prince, whose Character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the Ruler of a free People.

Nor have we been wanting in Attentions to our British Brethren. We have warned them from Time to Time of Attempts by their Legislature to extend an unwarrantable Jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the Circumstances of our Emigration and Settlement here. We have appealed to their native Justice and Magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the Ties of our common Kindred to disavow these Usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our Connections and Correspondence. They too have been deaf to the Voice of Justice and of Consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the Necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of Mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace, Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the World for the Rectitude of our Intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly Publish and Declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be, FREE AND INDEPENDENT STATES; that they are absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political Connection between them and the State of Great-Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as FREE AND INDEPENDENT STATES, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which INDEPENDENT STATES may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm Reliance on the Protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

Just checking in

Not that it matters to most people but I thought I’d stop in to mention that I have been sick for half of June. In fact I am still sick. That’s a big reason why I haven’t been around here.

I hate summer colds, especially these days. Plus it really cuts into what I can get done.

Oh well, we’ll see how July goes.

Somebody get me a Santayana clue stick

During the Great Depression, the FDR administration began some serious programs to bring the country out of the economic hole that it was in. The plan worked. Then in 1937 conservative pressure lead to a reduction in the spending that had been so successful. The result was a drop in the recovery that was only fixed by increasing spending.

Today, the Obama administration and Congress are talking about cutting spending and reducing the deficit. These are the same mistakes made in 1937, only this time we haven’t had more than three years of serious economic growth to help us first.

So this time around we get the same mistakes with none of the benefits.

What’s in a name?

Is Anthony Weiner an idiot? Of course he is. He’s a public figure, a politician and an elected Representative. Anyone who does what he did when they are under that much scrutiny is an idiot. It will never stay private. So yes, he’s an idiot.

There, we’re done. Can we get back to Medicare, Social Security and Jobs now?


Oh, yeah. He lied about it. Is anyone surprised? Especially considering the specific circumstances. Does this really disqualify him as a politician?


By the way – how did these pictures become public? Who had the right to distribute them? I’m a little curious about that.


Now, what about jobs?

Ya know

Whatever you may think of the latest plan to kill Medicare, it does nothing to control costs.

Island biodiversity

I saw a geographer on TV in February of 2009 – I had made a note of it and searched for the file to get the date. He was talking about a method used to study endangered species by studying environments. As an exercise, he and a colleague had their students do a study to approximate the location of a certain most wanted person who was found last weekend. I remember him as much for how cool I thought his description of the processes involved in being a geographer were as for the ideas he had about where a particular person might be hiding.

This link is to a short article on the Science magazine site: http://news.sciencemag.org/scienceinsider/2011/05/geographers-had-calculated.html?ref=hp

I couldn’t remember where exactly he said the likely hiding place was, but apparently the analysis came up with a pretty good assessment. It wasn’t an exact prediction, and it was only done as a practical exercise for the students, but one that seemed to me to be worthy of further investigation.

I’m not really surprised there wasn’t much made of this at the time. It’s not a well known science and the existing methods have a proven track record, are better understood (so they’re more effectively used) and this was a system that was never designed to find an individual person. They could just as easily have been off by a thousand miles.

Still, I think it’s a pretty cool science.

Stretched thin

I hope everyone had a good weekend. I had family events on Saturday and Sunday, so I am recovering today. I also had two days of enforced rest on Thursday and Friday. Enforced by me, and I managed to pull it off, too.

As a warning, this will be a physical condition post for those who are curious or want to know they are not the only ones in their particular predicament.

So…

That task I set myself of preparing for possible new appliance deployment, though it was an intermittent effort, really did me in. I may have hurt myself. Last Wednesday I realized that I had hit a point that I haven’t been at it in quite a while. I ignored the warning signs, like easy things leaving me exhausted, and I kept pushing. My wife calls this being manic, I say it’s being obsessed, so we compromise and call it a compulsion. It’s a state where I don’t want to let myself stop because I worry about things backsliding.

But I went way too far and actually started going backwards physically. I am more than tired. I have a deep exhaustion that permeates my being. Just to be a geek, I will mention that the perfect description is from The Fellowship of the Ring – Bilbo Baggins, his age unnaturally extended, describes feeling thin and stretched, like butter spread over too much bread.

That’s how I feel. There’s nothing left. There are no energy reserves, no more strength, no more stamina – and yet I still feel as if I need to keep doing things. Something, anything, to prove that I can get things done and to accomplish something more than being, well, more than being what I am and admitting to my limitations. I am forced to face those limitations when this sort of thing happens.

I hope the fact that I managed to rest for a couple of days indicates that I am learning from all of this. That would mean that there’s hope for all sorts of improvement, in a careful, moderate sort of way.

Learning

I find it hard to believe, even as cynical as I am, that I live in a time when people need to be convinced of the importance and benefits of public education.

Near misses

We had an interesting experience driving to the doctor. On one of the bridges the ramp to the highway was closed for repairs so all traffic was exiting onto a local road with one lane and a traffic light. So traffic was going slow until one part on the down slope of the bridge when it stopped short. It was raining lightly so the road was slick. I managed to stop without incident and so did the car behind me. Relieved, I watched the traffic in front of me.

Then I heard a loud squealing from behind me and checked the mirror. Two cars back a truck was bouncing as the driver hit the brakes hard, then it veered to the left, I think to get more room to stop. As it veered, the truck hit the car in front of it and that car hit the car behind me. We were not hit. But the truck kept coming, sliding sideways. I started looking for room to maneuver but both lanes were blocked and there was no shoulder.

Too slowly for my taste, and I’m sure the driver’s, the truck bounced up onto the concrete divider and came to a stop. If the bridge had been more than two lanes wide I think it would have jackknifed.

I don’t know if the truck driver had trouble with the slick road or if someone cut him off – people were jockeying back and forth between the two lanes on the bridge. I only saw the aftermath. We were lucky. One car further back, or a little closer and we would have been hit. Even a minor collision would have seriously injured my wife so I was very grateful for our escape.

The traffic further back on the bridge was pretty luck as well. The trucker managed to get himself off the divider and drove off onto the closed ramp along with the two cars behind me. I hope everybody was uninjured. There didn’t seem to be much damage to the vehicles, so there’s a good chance that no one was seriously hurt.

We crawled through the traffic jam, I took a bad guess on a turn trying to avoid the mess on the smaller streets, backtracked a bit and we eventually made it to the doctor. It really is a sight to see a truck almost flip over not forty feet behind you, but I would have done fine without the experience.

Ugh

Tired is not a strong enough word. I may have been able to put up a couple of posts – and that last one I didn’t even write today – but as I’ve said before, blogging about reality is easier than talking about myself. Here goes, anyway.

I have been trying, of late, to catch up on almost six years’ worth of chores. I made a very small dent – the kind you can pop out and don’t need filler for – in the task in the last week or so. In the process I have managed to prove two things.

First, I have proven to myself that I am delusional. I’m sure most of you already knew that. Well, really I just confirmed that I am still disabled. There’s a nasty trick your mind and body play on you when you are disabled. It happens to people without a problem as well, but I think it’s a bit sneakier when you have a disability. When you are sitting, as comfortably as you can, and feeling somewhat like your old self, you get this crazy idea that you’re really recovered and you can do anything that you want to do. That can last for a long time, it can last at least as long as until you stand up and try to do something. Then it all comes back to you as you do one or two minor chores and then collapse in a heap.

I’ve been feeling a little better with the warmer weather, though all of these storms aren’t good for me. So, since there are signs that we are going to need a new washing machine any day now, I needed to do some prep work. The area leading to and around the washer is somewhat inaccessible, at least inaccessible enough to prevent a new appliance from being installed. So I have been trying to make some room. I did manage to, but at what cost, at what cost? OK, too melodramatic. I exhausted myself.

But at least I got a chance to try. Now for a week or two of recovery.

Oh, I did say I learned two things. I am not as bad as I used to be. That should come as no surprise since I was pretty bad, but I’m not even as bad as I was last year. There is an interesting converse problem whereby the more you do, the harder it is to do some things. It’s not that they are harder in and of themselves, but when you spread your energy around to more things you have less for each task. Still, it’s good that the variety of things I can attempt has grown.

It’s the parceling out of the energy that becomes paramount. Do you use it to look fully capable in public, or do you use it to load the dishwasher and take out the trash? These are the questions of my life. Sounds like a soap opera, doesn’t it? I guess that explains the melodrama.

Social Security

Yes, Social Security, again, because people are still talking about cutting it.

First, repeating, Social Security does not, never has and by law never will add one dime to the deficit.

Second, Social Security can keep paying 100% of benefits at current levels until 2037. After that it can keep going at 80%, which adjusted for inflation is almost the same level as today.

Third, Social Security can keep paying at 100% of benefits at current levels until at least the end of the century if the payroll tax cap is raised. The tax was originally meant to apply to 80% of the population. Today, because of growing income inequality, it doesn’t apply to that much of the population. If the cap is raised to $180,000 from the current $106,000 it will be enough to cover benefits at 100% until the 22nd century.

What that means is that people who make $180,000 a year will pay the same percentage of their income in the tax as people who make $106,000, or those who make $50,000. In other words, right now the rich are getting a tax break that they can only keep if seniors and the disabled pay for it. Take the cap off entirely and there are no problems at all.

People who say that Social Security benefits need to be cut to reduce the deficit are lying.